Last week I was watching an episode of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain. He was in Russia, and visited this painter that lived out in the beautiful countryside--far from anything "civilized". It's pretty comical--because at dinner the painter, in traditional Russian style--insisted on toasting to almost everything that was said in conversation...and Anthony, along with his sidekick Samir, get pretty drunk on vodka quickly. Besides that....seeing this older man with his easel painting the landscape struck me like a double shot of vodka! Anthony Bourdain says that it was here he felt the "soul" of Russia both in this man's art and the food that was served.
The soul of Russia.
The soul.
It's a little silly for me to admit, but I had a major epiphany happen during that segment.
Major.
I picked up my journal and wrote. And ever since, it has been something heavy weighing on my mind.
When I was a kiddo...when anyone ever asked what I wanted to do when I grow up...I always responded with "Be an Artist", which for me meant "A Painter". That's all I did---all the time! I pictured myself much like that old man--living out in the middle of somewhere, engulfed in nature, painting daily---that is what I wanted to be. In high school especially---being a Painter is how I lived. In college--it brought me scholarships even. But then something happened. I'm not sure what even. I can't pinpoint it--or figure out where the change began---but my dream started to become buried--possibly expectations, or responsibilities, or insecurity, or being tired with struggling, or just from the lack of time. Who knows.
I had big plans for this new year ahead you see. BIG plans....but, more and more, my heart keeps telling me to put them aside for awhile...and unwrap. Go backwards a bit. Learn how to paint again. Paint, Connie paint! And don't paint that shit you've been painting for your Etsy shop anymore. Paint because you are interested in seeing where your idea will go. Paint because that's what keeps you up at night--and what intrigues you about life. Paint to make that little girl inside you happy again. Paint, Connie...paint! And let everything else take care of itself.
Peace & Love.
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8 comments:
If your soul is calling out to you that way, how can you dare deny it ? Paint, Beautiful One, Paint and the rest will be taken care of...
Happy Painted Holidays !
Such authentic truth dripping through this post. Made me tear up and tingle it was so close to the bone.
This is what all artists (painters, musicians, photographers, etc.) have to constantly remind themselves (ourselves), especially the closer they (we) get to making their dreams a reality. When the prospect of making money comes into the picture, it's easy to forget why we do it and just start producing. And so we often need to take a step back and return to the love of it. Return to the reason we started in the first place. Always return to the joy.
It is not a step back, though. It is just a step in the process. And clearly, this step is proving to be fruitful for you.
And your epiphany led you to paint such a beautiful painting - love it!
You go girl!!
I can't wait to see what your lovely intuition has to give you through the magic of your paintbrush.
This is so exciting... and feels so RIGHT!!
oh yes, uh huh ... i can feel the excitement and charge flying off your words ...
it really is what it is all about i am learning, the excitement and passion of doing what it is you love, really love and exploring that ...
i so love you! xo
oh i so understand.
the peer pressure of art.
i too have been there this past year, but you just made it all really clear for me too.
Follow your heART lil sis and ill do the same.
Do YOUR art, you have talent, i know because i have truly inspired piece of your art hanging on my wall.
You are talented.
xxme
wow - I FEEL your energy in these words! Tremendous!
Keep on painting, keep on living through your soul's eyes you lovely woman...be who you are for the rest of us.
(And I love that you watch Mr. bourdain...he makes me giggle.)
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