Counting Days

For years I've had basically the same habit. On my way to work I would pick up a delicious, yummy, out-of-this-world chai tea latte from this great coffee shop. Sometimes I would get a green tea instead, but mostly staying loyal to the sugary goodness of the chai tea latte.

A couple hours later, at work, it would be lunch time--and after a nutritious home made lunch, I would grab a candy/cookie/cake something that I kept stashed in my desk...or that is hanging out in the teacher's lounge, or brought to me by a doting student or generous colleague.

Then, a couple hours later I would always start to feel down, frustrated, stressed-out and have an unbelievable craving for something sweet again. Nine out of ten times, I indulge my craving.

Finally, Connie is making her way home...but not with out a stop at the grocery store of course. Of course I need to get something...anything...and possibly some chocolate covered almonds or chocolate covered cherries. There's my final fix, to end the day.

But here's the thing I started to notice and really started to wonder about. For as long as I've had this habit...I've also had this horribly, sad, yucky feeling first thing in the morning when I wake up. A feeling of being depressed. I carry this feeling with me as I do my morning Yoga, take a shower, walk Nyla, and have breakfast. My morning depression would follow me in the car and turn the key for me. My morning depression every morning asked me--Connie, should you go to school today? Why not stay home--take a sick day?

Every single morning.

I finally--recently, decided that something's not right. Because...if I was depressed--wouldn't that yucky feeling of being depressed stay with me all day? Once I'm at school, even though I might be crumbling under a stress bomb, I still didn't have that doomsday feeling like I would in the morning. But...but....BUT...during the middle to late in the day, it would come again. Then disappear when I was on my way home.

I thought about this. Like seriously thought about it. And I came to a real hard fact that I am addicted to sugar...and that's why my moods would fluctuate so much during the day. I never have this problem on the weekends...because I barely eat sugar at all on the weekends. I realized that when I had my Winter break from school...then too, I didn't wake up feeling doomsday.

I think my body gets on a sugar high in the morning with the chai, plummets a little later, picks back up at lunch, plummets a bit after school, then I give it one more shot in the evening to end my day. When I wake up in the morning...I've gone about 12 hours with out a sugar fix, and my mind is whacked out.

I honestly believe this.

Because, today has been DAY 18 of no sugar AT ALL. And I swear, I feel and see much more clearer. Since dropping my sugar kick, I'm not as stressed at school, I'm not waking up all doomsday, I've lost weight even, and I feel happy. I feel like myself ALL the time---not just partially.

I am so amazed and in awe how changing this one thing in my diet can make such a huge impact on my outlook on life and the overall way I feel and navigate through my day. It is absolutely incredible.

Now, the only thing I am craving is more awareness. More awareness to pick out more of my unhealthy patterns and do some tweeking to see what impact other changes might have on my life. I can't express enough how huge this is for me. How I feel changing my diet--is changing my Creative Juicy Life--is bringing me closer to my truth.