Recently I was talking with a friend and started to express to her how anxious and bummed I was that I was now at the mid-way point of my summer break. In five weeks, I will be back to teaching in a school. And even though this time I will be in a new school, and part time, a huge, huge, HUUUUGE part of me is not happy about this. A huge part of myself is resisting it. Poo pooing it. Just doesn't want to go.
Now here's the thing. I'm good at creating a list of reasons why going back to "work" is a good thing in my life. Steady pay check, health insurance, "stability", lots of time off compared to any other part time position I might take, freedom to create lessons that I want to do, and well, I already signed a contract.
When I started to ramble this list off to my friend I accompanied it with how I was going to make "this work for me"--how I was going to create boundaries--and set up restrictions--so that what I really want to do--what I'm doing now--could still flourish-feel alive-and be a big part of my life.
My friend pointed out right away that when I talk about all this my breath gets shorter, the energy around me starts to feel heavy and forced, and she even could see that the words I chose to speak about this were precise and direct---lacking any kind of fluidity to them at all.
You see...my big worry is that by having to go back to work--I can't do it all. That my passion and energy for Dirty Footprints Studio is going to suffer.
My friend insisted that I let her guide me through a guided meditation. I won't go all into it, but what really happened is that I slowed down. I calmed down. I started to take long, fluid, deep, deep breaths. And all that frustration, anxiety, and distaste started to melt away.
I was at home. I was in my studio. I was in my body.
I wasn't even at any mid-way point of anything. I was simply here. Now. Present.
Wow.
Seriously. Wow.
In slowing down, and being one with my body--with exactly where I was and what that felt like--I was able to see things more clearly. I was able to see how all these things I wanted or feel I need to do--can fit perfectly into the same space. My space. My Life. My temple.
This past week--Belly LOVE came through as another HUGE break through for me. I learned how our bodies are the biggest and best tool we have to keeping us for going to the dark side. Over board. Out of control with worry, stress, fear, or expectations of the unknown.
Once I let myself slip into my being--slip into my own skin and feel the breath move within and through me---I get focused.
I've heard this for years in Yoga--how powerful the breath is.
But it took a guided meditation and a whole lot of angst--for all those lessons and instructions to show up at once and prove to me it's truth.
How often do you forget your breath? How often do we all forget that we are fully equipped with the world's greatest gift to unlock, release, and relax into anything?
3 comments:
What a beautiful reminder, thank you!
What came forward when I was reading this was that your studio is so much more then this site and your are is so much more then your amazing paintings...it is your life. And you will have more then enough time for that.
Scary movies. For some reason when I watch horror movies and there is a seriously intense, scary scene, I hold my breath. It's like I have to be quiet too or I will be found out! LOL...and I mean the real scary movies with suspense not gore.
I learned the importance of breath when I started doing yoga when I was pregnant with my first child. I just couldn't believe how I would take something so precious for granted and while I still often do, I try to remember to breathe but it's hard in a society that fosters this idea that we need to be super human and moving at the speed of light.
When we are on fast moving things - roller coasters and the like - we don't breathe normally. We might hold our breath or breathe in those short little busts. If we live life like that, we will breathe the same way. Breathing and slowing down go hand in hand as you found here ...it's magical. Thank you for the reminder - it was and is needed. I feel like you should constantly remind me and all around you. Thanks for that little gift today.
I'm just about to go to bed and read this. Wonderful, as usual. I was right there with you listening to all you were saying and then poof.... the meditation. Thank you for the reminder (to say exactly what Anon above said). But thank you all the same. How often do I tune into my body. Too little in terms of breath. I have been working all week at taking my SELF back in doing all kinds of little things I'd let go... writing in my journal is one of them, and it's there that I breathe. But I will BREATH breathe now, and tomorrow and tomorrow too from reading this. Love U!
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