I Need You To Hear Me



Yesterday Hansel and I went to Jerome, Arizona. It's a little historic miner's town on the side of a cliff--better known now as an Artist colony. A place of wonderful eccentrics and color, color, colors.

It was Hansel's birthday, you see. But that is not all we were celebrating.



I have a little secret. Something I've been keeping with me the past few days. I wasn't going to tell you until August--just so I could relish in it a little longer. But screw it--I'm ready.

I want you to hear me. I want you to see me. I want you to be a witness to the beauty, and awe that I am truly feeling.

On July 6th--dear Frida Kahlo's 103rd birthday, I walked into the school I was going to be teaching at this Fall and handed in my resignation letter.

I quit.

Just like that. Done with all that unhappiness and stress. Done with waiting and accepting second best for the Life that I live. Done with being a part of a system I don't agree with--don't believe in.

Done with compromising ME.

So I'm sure you're wondering....what's the story--how did this happen--what did I miss?

I'll tell you. I'll share everything. I want you to hear me. I want you to see me. I want you to be a witness to the beauty, and awe that I am truly feeling.

Well, as some of you may know--I had a major break through in March at Chris Zydel's Painting From The Wild Heart Retreat. You can read about it HERE. Ever since that day that I came home and declared to the Universe that the time for living my dreams is NOW and right HERE--opprotunities, commissions, amazing experiences, and the most incredible people ever have been flooding my personal landscape.

So I decided to tell my work that next school year I would be going down to part time. Playing it safe--still time to work on my own stuff--feel like the real me--but have "a steady income".

What the hell was I thinking?


Literally, the day after school let out this May--I have been on fire. I'll admit it. I wake up every morning in complete awe and wonder of the amazing gifts that keep coming to me.

I can't tell you how incredible it feels to all of a sudden realize that you are actually living your dream.

Then last week hit. The midpoint in my ten week summer break. And with a call from the other Art teacher at the school I was going to be working at--my body began to react negatively--I started to shut down with only the thought that I would have to return to a job that no longer feels like it fits--that is absolutely no longer a part of who I really am.

At first I just couldn't eat.
Then I couldn't sleep.
Then all I was doing was crying and basically throwing tantrums that I didn't want to go back.
Then my stomach started to break into massive pain. That was the clue--the clue I knew I had to stop.
Think.
Sit with this.
Ask myself what is it that is happening? What is it that my body is trying to say? What internal wisdom am I not listening to---that is showing up in this horrible, ridiculous way?


It was in this silence...this great stillness...that I realized that I had to let go. I had to completely surrender to the truth of who I am---no matter how "frightening" that may seem. It was in this great stillness--with my hands to the heavens--I told the Universe I am ready. I am ready to live the Life I have been running from because it just didn't seem logical or responsible or even possible.

I am ready now.
Seriously.
I am ready to wake up every morning in awe and wonder--instead of dread and counting the days to my next school break. I am ready to feed the ideas and thoughts that blossom inside me and trust that they are there to release to the world for the greater good--not just for me--but for the many that I am and will be blessed to reach.

I am ready to sit in the abundance of laughter, LOVE, freedom--beautiful freedom--and MONEY. I am ready to accept that people are paying me for this--and value this--all of this that I am ALIVE to create.

I made my decision. Simple as that.

I decide I will keep on doing what I am doing now--live this Creative Juicy Life being guided deeply by my intuition and expressing--discovering--defining what it means for me to be an Artist. I decide that I will no longer settle for second best. I decide I will only share my energy, time, and resources with something/someone/someplace/somereason that ONLY SERVES THE GREATNESS OF MY BEING-MY SPIRIT-MY CREATIVE JUICY LIFE THAT ONLY I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR.



And now that I decide-- the most deepest feeling of FREEDOM exists.

I need you to hear me. I need you to see me. I need you to be a witness to the beauty and awe I am truly feeling.

Because the only thing that has been keeping me from living this way...from living my dream...is me.


And lucky for me---I woke up to see.
I woke up to hear.
I woke up to feel the true wonder and awe that is my Creative Juicy Life.

And now I decide how I live it from here.

(all of these photos were taken by ME at Jerome
--on my official first day)

50 comments:

Alex said...

So happy for you! I wish you all the best in your adventure!!
Congrats ;)

tami said...

oh Connie! I am so thrilled and excited for you!!! This is the best ever news!!!! You are AWESOME!

Margriet said...

Good for you!!!!! Enjoy your life :-)
Hugs, Margriet

Christine Claire Reed said...

I KNEW IT!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

:)

Barb said...

Connie, you are going to be so happy not having that feeling of dread hanging over you. I am so happy for you that you handed in that letter. I had to do something similar many years ago and it was a bit scary, but I have never looked back with regret about that decision - well, maybe that I didn't do it sooner. :) Enjoy your freedom. Yay!!!

Heather Plett said...

BIG LOUD CHEERS coming from across the Canadian border!!

Emily said...

Yea, Connie! I am truly happy for you; one more artist in this world, living authentically, is what humankind needs. :)

Ren said...

Teaching isn't doing it for me either Connie. I feel trapped under essays and crappy pay. I to am looking for new opportunities. Its hard changing but with gratitude I move forward.


Renee- Painted Sky Woman

johanna said...

Soul sister, you are such a blessing and an inspiration not only to me, but to all of us. Thank you for your wisdom and generosity. And congratulations on the next step of your journey toward truth and self-awareness. i love you much <3
johanna

Lisa said...

Connie - this is SO so so so so so so beautiful. I am going to print this off as a reminder to myself. (End One way indeed!)

WE are all here with you, our souls crying out for the same thing hear you, we see you and give you all the strength we have to share.

NAMASTE beautiful friend.

Natasha said...

I HEAR YOU!! All the way across the country, I hear you. We all hear the cry of your creative heart, the drumbeat of your colorful soul and we are marching along after you.

I'm SOOO glad you have taken this leap. This is where your passion lies - you were born to follow this path and in following your path you light the way for all of us. You are inspiring, amazing, FEARLESS, courageous, magical and so deeply loved! You made the words Believe, Trust and Let Go float into my heart today and make a permanent home. I raise a glass in honor of you today. Congrats on being FEARLESS enough, for being YOU enough to make YOUR dreams come true! Remember we are here to support and love you along the way!

Girlie-Queue said...

Congratulations on your beautiful first day!!! This is truly amazing. I am totally yoinking:
"I decide I will only share my energy, time, and resources with something/someone/someplace/somereason that ONLY SERVES THE GREATNESS OF MY BEING-MY SPIRIT-MY CREATIVE JUICY LIFE THAT ONLY I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR"

Totally inspiring girl :)You're ROCKIN'!

Heidi said...

Connie that is amazing! I'm am so happy for you! Nothing is more essential than following your heart!

Huge Hugs,
Heidi

olive + hope said...

yowza! Is this a powerful post Connie. First let me say, big bright blessings to you on this first day of the rest of your life :) I needed this post today. I'm faced with a making a decision to take a part time job (or not) that I don't want to go back to, to make a little extra money. I know deep down, I am being given the chance and time to live my dreams...and I am keeping myself from it. Taking this soul sucking job is probably not the answer. You. Have given me lots to think about today. Loving the 30 days btw.

Jeniffer said...

Words can't even express how much I LOVED reading this post. It sent shivers throughout my entire body. Pure joy of being able to witness (albeit distantly) your heart breaking free of fear! If I lived closer I'd be at your doorstep giving you a huge hug... although it might be a little strange seeing as how we've never met... eh, I'd do it anyway!

Emma said...

Congratulations!!!!!!

Conniegratulations!!!!!!!!

This is so major and fantastic!

Tracy Carlton said...

Connie, Connie, CONNIE! You DID it!! CONGRATULATIONS! What a beautiful, courageous leap you took! You realize of course how inspiring this is? The Stars will shine brighter tonight knowing another Soul has joined them in Glittering Authentically and not holding back any longer!!! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Rochelle said...

OMG You HAVE been on Fire, very accurate way to put it. ANd yes, you seemed to be sinking even to approach the idea of the work in the fall.... so a GIANT congratualtions as I clink your glass for this decision!!! Good thing are happening!

Mariposa said...

I forgot where the quote comes from but I've read that we all know what we need and when, the trick is to take the next step.

I will say that it is a shame that children who were exposed to such a positive influence will not longer have that but I understand the need to move in a direction that is positive for your well-being.

Kelly Warren said...

connie, i am dancing in my seat giggly happy for you. you are ready for this. go forth and be the wonder that you are!

btw, i've been to jerome! my step brother lives in scottsdale and when my hubby and i went out for his wedding in 2004, he suggested we ride up to jerome. very cool place!

Ronna Detrick said...

I hear you. I see you.

You are beautiful, strong, courageous, tender, spirit-wise, truth-telling, faith-filled, and free!

And you are not alone.

I'm grateful to be traveling the journey alongside you. It's made more beautiful, colorful, creative, and juicy because you are in the midst.

Shawna said...

I am so thrilled to have "found" you today! I am thrilled to hear you and see you - amazing!

This: "Creative Juicy Life" is one of the best phrases I've ever read! I LOVE it!

Abby said...

Beautiful - you, the freedom, your words, all of it!! I can only imagine the courage that took and the joy you must be living! Congratulations!!!

Paulette Insall said...

so happy for ya connie! i know how hard it must have been....i too walked away from teaching art at my son's school after only doing it one year. it just wasn't a good fit....at least not right now. it takes alot of courage to admit something like that and kudos to you for standing up for YOU!! xoxo

Drew said...

It sounds like you've finally found your true self buried beneath those putrid layers of practicality, fear, and societal expectations.

I have no doubt that other people will find this post when their time is right and perhaps it will give them the courage to jump into the unknown. I believe that it was Frida herself who said, "Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?"

Now is your time!

sersk said...

Big Hugs!! Congratulations!! I ditto all the above comments. You inspire us all.

faerian said...

i hear you

i see you

i honour you

and you are still a teacher - it is just that your classroom is way bigger!

this joyful declaration is going to change the world

Kim Switzer said...

Hurray! This post was so beautiful and rich--it brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you! I can't wait to see all the beautiful things you do.

Mariza said...

this is wonderful!!! best of luck!

sweetmango said...

way to go sweet sweet sis!
Watch out world, here she comes in all her shining glory, wide awake and on FIRE!!
I am so proud of you, I have always been proud of you, every decision you have made in the past has led you to this place right here and right now.
I love you
xxmichelle

Caity said...

Congrats on taking this huge step into the rest of your life! When you were describing your physical and mental distress at the idea of having to go back to The Wrong Job, I understood exactly where you were coming from.

So glad you're able to free yourself from that and move into what you're meant to be doing!

Sandy Dempsey said...

Just getting home and catching up. What a beautiful, awesome, inspiring, declaration. Big hugs and love coming your way.

Kristi said...

Oh, you are a brave, brave girl! Congratulations on listening to your heart. I love your beautiful post -- I wish you happiness and success as you follow your dreams, Connie!

Tinker and JingeBear's Mom said...

Congratulations! And welcome to your REAL life. I took this scary step in 2007, and am still exploring all the opportunities I found. Your body shouts that you did the right thing. Your mind is clear, a bell ringing true. Embrace it, sing it, dance it, display it! Most of all, LIVE IT.
~ky, the scrapacat

Tracie said...

YES!
You are seen, heard and witnessed.

Such a brave girl to have taken this leap of heart.

We are all here buoying you through this beautiful awe-some transition into the life you were born to live!

It's SO going to be worth it!

Amanda Fall - PersistentGreen said...

AMEN!

I see you, Miss Wonder-Woman Connie, shaking the dust of your old life off your feet and bravely striding down your new path.

I see you, and all it makes me want to do is JOIN you. You have this way about you--the more you accept and celebrate who YOU are authentically, the more inspiring and motivating you are to OTHERS. Not that you are doing it for this reason--it's for you, as it should be--but a wonderful side benefit is the joy and colorful juicy creative LOVE that you spread everywhere you go. And that has quadrupled (waaaay more than quadrupled, whatever that would be) recently, the more you claim all of your Connie-ness.

So here's to you, fearless leader. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.

Michelle said...

Congratulations on making your BIG move!!! I got chills when I read your words. I can feel your passion! Enjoy every second of it!!!

thicklygrownwithweeds said...

And we need to hear you.
We all do.
So thank you, and thank you and blessings all around.

aquamaureen said...

I see you. I hear you. And I am so grateful you are singing out loud for me to hear.

My heart and soul has been crying out for me to be my authentic self, but the Real Me feels so buried under Piles of Pooh (the past/doubt/fear, etc etc).

But hearing you sing out "TaDaaaa" so proudly and triumphantly, gives me hope for my own emergence into real and juicy life.

Meanwhile, I celebrate you and your new birth.

Linnea said...

Oh, Connie, I wasn't around much yesterday and missed this. Now, I am crying -- crying tears of joy for YOU, whose joy shines so brilliantly through this post.

You are only going to be more magnificent.

Melita said...

INSERT SQUEAL OF GLEE HERE!!!!!!! yay connie!!! i am SO proud of you! and SO happy for you! doesn't it feel great?! i can feel your happiness in this post (yes, all the way to the east coast haha). you rock chica!! love & hugs!!

Hannah said...

Connie, you have good things coming to you and you are worthy of it all!!
Well done for making this leap, your bravery is inspiring :)
xxx

Anonymous said...

You have a great blog. I check in from afar on what you are up to. You are a brave artist, with loads of talent. I don't always agree with everything you do such as soliciting funds when Hansels car window was busted but that's just me and it seemed to yield nice results for ya, but I was compelled to comment on this post.

Yeah for You !!

You have just opened a door. Can't help but think you are going to enjoy some really success.

Congrats

Denise

Dovelily said...

Congratulations on saying 'yes' to your authentic self and the dreams you've held close for so long! Sending lots of love, hugs and prayers and blessings your way.

Jennifer Hayes Hugon said...

HECK YES!

This is the most inspiring thing I've read in a long time...

love ya!
jen

dbalyoz said...

Connie,
you have just inspired and encouraged me more than you can ever know. thank you....AND Good for you!!! :)
Denise

tia tuenge said...

HooRay!!!! for you Connie. You're an inspiration and I know all your big dreams will come true.
Much love and gratitude to YOU.

Connie Lou said...

Hi Connie,

I am new here,and so glad I came. Congratulations...after 20 years in the corporate world, I finally made my decision..probably at the worse time economically, but definitely at the best time spiritually...I applaud your passion..bravo!

Connie

morningDove said...

i am so proud of you - you awesome artist full of awe and wonder. i love your energy and excitement. you go girl and don't ever look back except if you cross the street you may want to make sure there are no cars coming before you cross - my last little school advice to a chick-a-dee.lol such wonderful living-life-big news.

Painting Herself Into Being said...

HOORAY!!!!!! I support you in these amazing choices! I can *so* relate to this whole story. I to am finished with work that doesn't serve me -- and I get scared and contemplate going back -- and my body very quickly lets me know I am waaaay off base.

So thank you for being such a role model and beautiful example of living your dreams and allowing the Divine to work through and as you.

I've put a retreat with Chris Zydel on my wishlist and I know it will unfold in perfect time. Love seeing how it impacted you!!!!!

Keep it up you Divine Being of Love!

Blessings,
Sheri

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