Me & My Crazed Lover

Here’s the thing.
I’ve been sick.
I’ve had this nasty achy-sneezy-weezy-coughin cold since Friday when I was freezing my bum off in Cleveland!
I’m not blaming Cleveland or even it’s paradise like weather.
Nope.
I have decided to take 100% full responsibility for feeling like crap.
I knew for awhile that it was coming. I’ve been feeling top notch awesome–and just burning those creative flames at a high—that once in awhile I would look at my calendar and honestly think……”hmmm, when will be a good time to finally crash?”
I’ve been planning on November. So I’m a week early.
But forgive me, I’m new at this.
See, here’s the deal. I have finally–after years and years of beating myself up because I can never live this ideal “balanced” life I have in my head–I have finally embraced the way I work–the way I roll–the way I honestly am.
In other words–I have finally realized that I have no control over this thing called “Creativity”. I’m just an innocent bystander along for the ride. Or maybe a “vessel” is a more Artsy appropriate way of putting it. But the truth is–I’m Creativity’s bitch (that’s how Chris Zydel puts it–and damn, she’s right!). I have to do what she says-when she says-and that’s that.
My Creativity has been the same since I can remember. She’s a wildfire for months and months. The flames just keep burning–I feel alive, energized–like my soul is on fire–I create, do stuff–keep going, going, going. Then bang. We crash. Creativity takes a mini vacation to Bali and I lay in bed refueling and repairing my body from months of being intoxicated on her Creative Juiciness.
THIS IS HOW I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN.
Ideally, I would LOVE to have a normal relationship with my Creativity. But we don’t. We’re one of those passionate crazed couples. We’re like Frida and Diego or Picasso and Dora.
Since I don’t plan on divorcing my mad lover Creativity, I’m working on scheduling my own vacations ahead of time. Sort of predicting when a good time to take a little breather here and there will be—purposely giving myself some space–instead of always being at her whims.
Yeah, we’ll see how that works!
Connie Solera
connie@dirtyfootprints-studio.com