Me & My Crazed Lover

Here's the thing.

I've been sick.

I've had this nasty achy-sneezy-weezy-coughin cold since Friday when I was freezing my bum off in Cleveland!
I'm not blaming Cleveland or even it's paradise like weather.
I have decided to take 100% full responsibility for feeling like crap.

I knew for awhile that it was coming. I've been feeling top notch awesome--and just burning those creative flames at a high---that once in awhile I would look at my calendar and honestly think......"hmmm, when will be a good time to finally crash?"

I've been planning on November. So I'm a week early.

But forgive me, I'm new at this.

See, here's the deal. I have finally--after years and years of beating myself up because I can never live this ideal "balanced" life I have in my head--I have finally embraced the way I work--the way I roll--the way I honestly am.

In other words--I have finally realized that I have no control over this thing called "Creativity". I'm just an innocent bystander along for the ride. Or maybe a "vessel" is a more Artsy appropriate way of putting it. But the truth is--I'm Creativity's bitch (that's how Chris Zydel puts it--and damn, she's right!). I have to do what she says-when she says-and that's that.

My Creativity has been the same since I can remember. She's a wildfire for months and months. The flames just keep burning--I feel alive, energized--like my soul is on fire--I create, do stuff--keep going, going, going. Then bang. We crash. Creativity takes a mini vacation to Bali and I lay in bed refueling and repairing my body from months of being intoxicated on her Creative Juiciness.


Ideally, I would LOVE to have a normal relationship with my Creativity. But we don't. We're one of those passionate crazed couples. We're like Frida and Diego or Picasso and Dora.

Since I don't plan on divorcing my mad lover Creativity, I'm working on scheduling my own vacations ahead of time. Sort of predicting when a good time to take a little breather here and there will be---purposely giving myself some space--instead of always being at her whims.

Yeah, we'll see how that works!


Mar said...

this is the best embracing article i have ever read..well done!

Katarina Silva said...

I can TOTALLY relate to this! Referring to your creativity as your "crazed lover" is brilliant! And the fact that you've been lifetime lovers. Definitely! My mother remembers me staying up late at night when I was three just to finish something I was coloring, or some poem I was writing. I have also always been a SLAVE to my crazy lover! But mine comes and goes more often than yours it seems. Although the intensity of "loving" does not let up! Question for you: Are your down times just physical, or do you also get the blues? Just wondering. And thank for sharing! Great post! Oh! And yes, give that lover a HUGE HUG from me! She is perfect the way she is! ;) xoxoxo

Emily said...

Girl, I know what you mean about being creativity's bitch! But, like all impassioned relationships, it is so lovely! I'm sorry to hear that you are sick, so I will send some healing thoughts and vibes your way this week. In the meantime, rest, be kind to yourself, and rest some more. Seriously- listen to your body and just go with the flow:)
Take care!

Susan said...

I feel your pain, sister!

1. Massage
2. Talk therapy
3. Eat right
4. Exercise
5. Laughter:)

That is my plan...and I am sticking to it!

Love your plan...looking forward to hearing how it goes!

KatW said...

I can relate to this post in that I can be buzzing creatively & be crazy with it. I used to work in huge passionate spurts & then crash like you. Now the MS catches me out & although I may be burning to express myself creatively I may be hampered by a numb limb, vision problems or something. So this past couple of years my relationship with my creativity has shifted. Now I have many different ways to express myself depending on what I can manage. And my creative working patterns are altered to accomodate the unpredictability of the MS. But yet my relationship with creativity has grown in the sense I have started to study it in relation to health & wellbeing. And in the sense that I experiment with many more ways to express myself creatively. I am more flexible, open & intuitive in my approach & practice.

Sorry if my comment is a bit long - but your post got me thinking. Thank you.

Kat X

giulietta nardone said...


Love the hair thing you've got going on. It suits you!

Creativity by its definition is unpredictable. It's about doing something in a different, rebellious way. If you try to tame it, creativity will die. Best to let it roam the halls of your life as it pleases.

thx. Giulietta

Ken said...

Though I write about calming down (being mild), the whole purpose of doing so, for me, is in order to be able to let go.

Recklessness is the other half.

So be mild and reckless in any combination that suits you. Get well soon, oh fearless one.

laurie b said...

lots of rest and green tea. i will be sending positive and healing thoughts your way. take very good care of yourself and ride out the waves.

chrissie said...

I hope you do manage to give yourself some DEEP rest Connie. This is renewal time. Much love to you Chrissi XX

mel said...

ever tracked your creative ebb and flow with the moon phases? just wonderin'....

i've found it makes a big difference to right now, She is waning am I....:)


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