Tomorrow there is going to be a HUGE announcement here on Dirty Footprints Studio that it will knock your silly socks off!!
Please join me!
I'd hate for you to miss out.
Importance of Rest
I am definitely back in the saddle again. Or, as one of my Twitter friends put it: "back in the sandal!!" Get it!?! Dirty Footprints....sandal....hee hee!!
I have been up at the crack of dawn (sort of) and moving and shaking in the studio!!!
How could I have stayed away for so long? What happens--why are there these periods when we dip into darkness for awhile? I know now that I'm not the only one...because many Lovelies have shared with me their own understanding and compassion--saying that they've been there before.
But damn. THIS life feels a million times better. THIS life is totally Creative Juicy. THIS life is what makes me want to keep on going, going, going!!!
Maybe that's it.
Maybe the going, going, going makes you gone after awhile.
In Yoga, taking a break and the stillness between the poses is part of the poses. Those very wise and accomplished Yogis that have spent a life time engulfed in this practice HAVE because they understand the importance and vitality of a well absorbed break.
I still haven't gotten that yet. No matter how many times I attempt to out wit myself--out fool myself that I can do EVERYTHING--my body and my mind short circuit and I'm back wandering in the dark hall of doom for awhile.
Well, I can see the sunshine and blue skies of Arizona again. I can stretch my arms out like wings and feel my heart pulsate like a drum. I can breathe deeply and enjoy my lungs as they expand into rainbow colored balloons of joy.
Once again, I can start in the way I want to continue...and continue...reminding myself how important it is to set periods of rest into all these BIG goals and SWEET dreams I have brewing in this crazy Creative Juicy Life of mine!
(Now go take a break!)
Something Snapped
Something snapped is the best way to describe it.
Maybe it's like in Yoga. Sometimes the teacher will ask us to tense up every muscle in our body, even take a deep, deep breath and hold it. We lie there on our backs as a body of trapped energy. Trapped and tense. Then seconds later we release...and the relaxation feels sweeter.
Something snapped in me. Now I'm melting back into the beauty that I recognize as me, instead of the darkness I was holding onto and hiding in.
Just this week my dear sister, Sweetmango, made me promise her that I would do the 21 Day Cleanse HERE. On the first day you are guided into a meditation where you have a conversation with your inner wise self. You ask your wise self what it is you need to focus on right now....and truth be told, I was surprised. Part of me wanted to start an argument even and debate this part of myself.
(Silly.)
But I think this is where the snap occurred. I think this is when the body of trapped tension released and settled into the present moment.
I feel focused again. I feel excited.
Passionate. Driven even.
I feel purpose.
I'm glad to be back!
All Of This
Sometimes there are days at work that I feel like I am in the center of a whirlpool.
Students, paint, brushes, dirty water cups, pastels, paper, scissors, markers, lost lunch boxes, tears, arguing, tattling, smiles, hugs, spills, plaster, paperwork, emails, phone calls, passes to the nurse's office, referrals, phone calls to parents, pulling pedals out of bike spokes, making kids spit out gum, rulers, erasers, pencil sharpeners, teasing, bullying, confiscating cell phones, back talk, disrespect, swearing, hand holding, snot, pencil shavings, lies, laughter, stick figures, glue, glue globs, glue spills, aprons, messes, no paper towels, stinky sponges, call the office the faucet has exploded, fights, out of staples, grading, color wheel, "Ms. H. you're the best.", meetings, lose my keys, find my keys, lose my keys again, special ed, constant noise, "Ms. H. is a bitch", crayons, administration visit, complaining, pictures of hearts, pictures of elephants, pictures of kitty cats with bow ties, and the smell of tempera paint.
All of this spinning as I try to keep my head above sea level. All of this, as one person tries to conduct and motivate a group of young people into doing something creative, expressive, educational, and fun. All of this as it is me and 30 to 35 of them. All of this as I am sick with a nasty cold. All of this in less then 40 minutes. All of this without a break, barely a lunch, and "holding" the two cups of peppermint tea I drank that morning. All of this knowing that next week I will be delivered a pink slip. All of this knowing that they voted against having art, music, and pe in the schools next year. All of this with rarely a thank you.
The music teacher and I put on a huge event tonight, It's main purpose was to highlight art, music, and pe.
You see, the community voted against having art, music, and pe in the schools next year. And now, because of some loophole, the voters will have one more chance to pass it in March. So there is tons of pressure to DO MORE to get the word out.
And that is what I've been doing. More, more, more.
How can they expect us to do so much more, when what I already do sometimes feels like way too much? How can they expect anyone to do this job and more for less pay next year? How can they ask so much of our teachers---and care so little about our youth?
But tonight, right before we opened the doors to begin the event, a double rainbow shined directly over the school....and from that second parents, and grandparents, cousins, and step mothers and fathers, joined their students to gather in the art room for some drawing fun. I was so surprised...so absolutely pleasantly surprised by the ENORMOUS amount of people that showed up.
Now I was caught in a whirlpool of giggles, hugs, big belly laughter, grandparents taking pictures, little girls acting shy, parents telling me stories of their children wanting to be an artist when they grow up, and thank you after thank you.
Thank you after thank you can be a powerful antibiotic. Thank you after thank you can be the rope you hold onto to pull yourself out of the whirlpool. Thank you after thank you can be the whole reason one does more.
Without trying to be cheesey or trite, I now understand the rainbow connection and want to keep on singing.
Art Is Really Important
Today, out of nowhere, this thought came to me:
What if Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela became an Art Teacher because they really, really believed Art was important?
Would they have quit, or laid down when times got tough? Would they have let the system beat them silly and carry the stress on their shoulders? Or would they have stayed focused, clear to their mission? Would they have risen above the stress and the system--and fight for what they believe in? Would they have lost some battles and won some? Would they have not let those failures kill them--but rather teach them and fuel them?
This thought really came to me....and I wondered where did my integrity go? Why did I let my own mission become hazy and scattered? Why have I backed down--just because things haven't been to my liking.... haven't been what I expected them to be?
This Creativity Art Thing--that's always been my mission in life. It's always been something I believe firmly in...something I have worked for for years--something I love to share.
Art is really important.
How did I forget that?
The Dirty Footprints Way
I had an appointment today.
I had to take off the morning from work and drive downtown.
An appointment to settle something. To get things in order, and to move in the right direction.
An appointment that has caused me great stress and worry for quite awhile. But done. Over.
I can move on.
But here's the real thing. I haven't been sleeping well for awhile.
Lately I have alot of nightmares. Some where I wake up screaming. (Poor Hansel.)
And I knew sooner or later, things would catch up. My body would have enough and shut off again.
So instead of returning to work like I should...because I have a HUGE deadline on Thursday--with a million and one things that need to be done by then---
I decided to take care of me first, so here I am in bed (with my laptop none the less).
Now I have people pissed at me, and an even bigger load of work waiting to be done.
But this is nothing new. I'm not singing a new tune. I feel sick. My head, my throat, my lungs are all congested and sore. My energy has hit low. I feel horrible, achy, groggy. But this is a cycle. A cycle I seem to keep repeating...for years now. Years.
And I'm here to admit it to myself, that it has everything to do with not living my complete truth.
There it is.
Then, guess what happens? Guess how the Universe bows down and kisses my sick, congested forehead?
Answer: with a sweet oracle from southern Indiana!
I'm not going to sugar coat this, I've been having a rough-confusing-lost-kind-of-feeling-kind-of time. It's obvious as I reflect it here on my blog. I say this, do that, say this, do something else. Yada yada yada.
But that's ok. We are all human, and we all have periods of feeling lost, confused, in transition. We all have periods where we might try something for awhile, then drop it when it no longer serves us. It's ok, we can all take as long of a time as we need or as short of an interlude as necessary. It's ALL ok...cause all of us, I included, are on the same journey of finding our own truth--if we know it or not. It just happens that I know it, and that tends to add more stress sometimes.
And the truth keeps hitting me over and over again in the noggin!
Today, I received a lovely gift from an oracle that goes as Lisa from the blog Life Unity. She made me the most thoughtful, Creative Juicy, heartfelt gifts to show me her gratitude for what I share here on Dirty Footprints Studio. She included in this gift a beautiful card with words that spoke to me as if my angel was shouting in my ear.
A light came on today.
I can see myself a little clearer.
I've been running away again. I've been shutting doors and turning keys on locks. When I shut off the comments option on this blog--I was doing just that. So many of you wrote me the most supportive, loving, understanding emails---but no one yelled at me--no one told me that I was closing myself off once again. Not until now....when Lisa, in all her kindness and beauty told me what Dirty Footprints Studio meant to her, and how it helped her. How she felt connected through my words--to what I feel connected to when I write them---our journey into truth.
I've been feeling so exhausted. Drained. And recently to seize my energy back, I started setting up boundaries for myself.
But today I learned that those boundaries need to be constructed in those areas that cause me actual stress and insist I be less of who I am. Not in the places where I find support, encouragement, LOVE, and most especially understanding. Not in the places where I feel passionate, creative, and excited about my work. Not in the one place where I am free to be fully ME.
So, I'm opening up the door again in Dirty Footprints Studio. I'm inviting you in. I'm sharing my space with you, my words with you, and my heart with you and I'm embracing the beautiful love and support you shower me with. Even through the dusty hard times. Even when things are Creative Juicy. Even when I'm not sure of who I truly am. Even when I'm afraid of being vulnerable and raw.
I am choosing to live life with the lights on and doors open...that's gonna be the Dirty Footprints Way!
I Celebrate
I celebrate my dearest friend Mary gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!
I celebrate my new running shoes finally arriving in the mail!
I celebrate that today is day seven sugar free!
I celebrate that I got on my Yoga mat this morning even though I really wanted to sleep a little longer!
I celebrate that I am taking care of me--setting boundaries--and standing firm to them!
I celebrate that I am growing, one step--one day--one breath at a time!
I celebrate this journey...this Creative Juicy Life of mine!
Day Six
"The only way to really, really achieve a damn thing is through proper health. Pure and simple."
---borrowed with LOVE from this beautiful BLOG POST by Misty Tosh
Today is day six for me. Day six of no sugar.
Yeah, a bit of a long story. But the short version is that I realized.....like truly, really, 100%, with-out-a-doubt realized that I have a MAJOR sugar addiction in my life. It's a problem. It's pathetic. It's embarrassing. It's not healthy--and all this time, this die-hard vegetarian Yogini has been fooling herself BIG TIME!
So, after a night of tears and shaking.....another long story.... I decided to cut out sugar cold- candy-apple-turkey as an experiment!! An experiment to see if cutting out sugar in my diet can help me on my journey. To see if it can clear a little of the residue of this funk I've been in. An experiment to observe how my mind will respond, without those nasty little toxins floating through my bloodstream daily.
Day six, and I already see a huge difference.
At first, I had headaches. HEADACHES!! Yes, a sign of withdrawal....from sugar! To be honest, I was actually proud of the headaches...proud that the toxins were releasing from my body--and that on some deep molecular level--there was a boxing match happening in my brain as the healthy cells we're kicking these toxins molecular asses!!
Yeah, that's how I think......years of sugar, I guess!
But the greatest gift so far came on Friday...when my day seemed to crumble, and the world seemed to thunder around me....I didn't excuse myself to indulge in chocolate or my ultimate favorite chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Sure, I stood in front of the vending machine in the teacher's lounge---quarters in hand...I drove to the grocery store with all intent to hit the ice cream aisle..but I never dropped those quarters, and I never got out of the car.
As I see it....I won a HUGE battle. I grew in a HUGE leap. I just delivered myself a HUGE wave of love.
That was one of the most empowering moments of my life to tell the truth. Not giving in. Not saying "oh just this one time". Not letting stress control what I put into my body. Not permitting stress to hurt me any further by dictating MY choices. ME--that healthy, radiant, beam of light I know lives within me. That is shining in all of us--but covered by layers of stress and anxiety and thick with gooey consequences of letting stress dictate what we eat and how we treat our bodies.
I have been saying for years now that I want change. I have had many moments, at which I thought I was starting on a new route--that would yes, lead me into a new direction--and feel like steps toward this big dream I carry in my heart. But my truth is I have only been walking in circles. We are all walking in circles, until we are brave enough to change the one big thing in our life.
Our self.
That is what I am committed to. Changing myself....on a molecular, physical, environmental, and most especially a spiritual level.
For changes to happen on the outside...they have to simply start happening in the inside.
Focus. Discipline. Commitment. Trust. Truth.
Changing my diet, for me, is a journey into changing the energy that constitutes me in this Universe. An energy I have grown comfortable with...that I've grown to understand...but not really know at all. Just in these past few days, I already am starting to feel a little clearer, a little lighter in my mind, and I am starting to simply observe how energy focused can become more powerful like a laser beam instead of weak and scattered like a cheap ol' flash light.
AND....I'm actually feeling happy again.
Right Now
The place where you are right now
God circled on a map for you
wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move
Against the earth and sky,
the beloved has bowed there-
The beloved has bowed there knowing
You were coming...
--Hafiz
Listen to the Music
I started to write a post about my terrible day.
I didn't give much details...at first.
But then I followed it up with the huge ephinany I had. I started to write about how amazed I feel. Amazed about the large growth I've been having in such a short time.
But I deleted it all.
I've been writing all of this for the last hour, here at my local coffee shop. Just enough time, for this teenage girl dressed in a black lace dress to tune her guitar. Just enough time for her teenage friends to gather around and sit cross legged on the floor in front of me. Just enough time for her to plug that microphone in and then nervously drop it. Just enough time to hear her begin singing.
I am surprised-- at how beautiful she sounds--how deep her words are.
(How much I admire her confidence to call herself a singer/songwriter before she began.)
Forget about my stupid day.
Life has many different moments to it. Moments of unexpected bliss that can interrupt your mind from repeating a day best left to rest.
Maybe we are simply afraid of going forward full blast...that's why we hold on to so much trash.
Let it go Connie. Let it go.
Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
A Need For Discipline
What ever happen to WoYoPracMo? Connie, where the heck did that practice go? Did it escape out the window and build a tent on one of those massive rain clouds that's been hanging around the desert lately? Where did it go? What happened to your promise to your practice? To yourself? Your heart? Your spirit? Your beautiful, beautiful soul?
My dear friends, and those that care, keep reminding me to be gentle with myself...take things easy they say.
Truth be told...that's the freaking problem. I've been way to easy and soft with myself. Gentle has turned into down right pathetically mushy---like a rotten peach kind of mushy.
Discipline is a necessary vitamin to happiness. Commitment is a great factor in staying sane. All the Yogis who have lives of seamless bliss will confirm that.
Once I allowed myself to be soft..gentle...lazy...for too long, made excuses to sleep-in too many times, permitted myself to indulge in another millionth hour of tv watching....the dark clouds of my mind began to roll on in.
Just like a young child will lash out and become unruly if there are not specific boundaries and criteria defined for them to abide by....my mind is the same way.
Yoga is the one sure thing I can hold onto. The one sure thing I can depend on. A regular practice, where I show up--no matter what, changes me. It nourishes me. It cradles me unlike my couch ever could. Even if I sit in child's pose for twenty minutes straight. I show up. I make the commitment to myself.
I need to stay disciplined--and train that pesky brain of mine to stay on course of this Creative Juicy Life.
Truth & Reality
Perhaps "truth" and "reality" are actually only matters of perception, I thought. Perhaps I had been looking at life with only one eye, seeing the building from only one corner and sharing it with others who also lacked depth perception. I realized that I had to open my other eye and get out of that corner.
--from Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, Ph.D.
It's All About Me
This week I hit publish on my last post and felt like a world was lifted off my shoulders. Being a blogger, there are those unwritten rules of blogging etiquette one "should" follow. I was ok with just not writing, but this irking to be polite and leave a sign in my window saying that I'd be back later seemed more appropriate.
And now, here I am again, a few days later.
Call me wishy washy if you like.
But I came to some major realizations in this short period of time.
Thursday night I emailed a group of bloggy friends I have. We call ourselves the Nurture Huddle--and we meet on the phone a couple times a month to support, challenge, and celebrate one another. This is a phenomenal group of chicas, that I am beyond grateful and proud to call my friends. But, in the last few months, I haven't made our calls and have neglected our little circle altogether without much explanation of why or what was really going on in my life.
Recently, I realized that this is something huge that I do. HUGE.
I book. I run. I don't show up to the party and I don't call to say I'm sorry. I just hide and burrow into my little world until the storm passes and the sun is shining again.
Recently, also, I realized that this is a HUGE obstacle I put in my own way.
I don't let (many) others see me at my lowest. I'd rather YOU see the Creative Juicy Connie that's got things happening and knows where's she heading...instead of the confused, in pain, a bit crazy and neurotic Connie that I've been feeling like lately. Even though I've been talking Creative Juicy...it's all been hot air covered in sprinkles and carmel sauce.
So, like I was saying. I emailed my Nurture Huddle to confess where I am and what has been going on with me. I wrote, deleted, wrote, deleted, and wrote again until I could get past my fear of not being perfect and altogether...and then I hit send.
What was waiting for me in the morning was the biggest wave of love and support and understanding and pure, pure, pure caring. For me. For each other.
I read these beautiful emails at school, as tears rolled down my cheeks...and I felt worlds better. I left my computer monitor to a whirlwind of students that day--and we laughed, and we sang, and we had a few Friday dance parties in my classroom. The love that was showered upon me from my Huddlers was pouring over my students...and who know's where it might have gone from there.
I would have never met my Nurture Huddle, if it wasn't for Dirty Footprints Studio. I would have never had such a huge release and movement of healing--if I hadn't gotten over my fear of writing my purest truth, like I did this week.
I learned something so huge, so powerful, so beautiful in just these past days. And I am here to say that Dirty Footprints Studio is my space. A place I've created. A place, that holds at its core my intention to document this wonderful thing I call my Creative Juicy Life. And what makes it so wonderful are these moments I speak of here--but they are not possible--growth is not possible, without being honest about my pain and imperfections.
I declared that I was taking a bloggy break, because I desire change so deeply you have no idea. I declared that I was taking a bloggy break because I wanted to hide until the sun started shining again. I declared that I was taking a bloggy break because I wanted to come back when things actually made a little sense, when I knew exactly what it was I was doing--and how to define exactly what it is I want now..because, things, you see, are so wildly changing right now for me. Wildly.
But the truth is....a bloggy break is just another obstacle I put in front of myself. Just another door I shut, to keep myself stuck in this same little cocoon.
I am declaring right now that I am not taking a bloggy break. But rather, Dirty Footprints Studio is taking a cleanse. I am purging some old ideas and toxic ways that I related to this space, and instead, creating openness for my journey into TRUST, COMMITMENT, and TRUTH. I will blog when I want...and I will challenge myself to be completely honest...as scary as that may seem at times for me. I'm not going to worry about being cohesive or clever. I'm not going to worry if I have followers or not. I'm not writing this to intentionally inspire and help others on their path. This space is no longer about community, so I am omitting the opportunity to leave comments (though I am always open and happy to receive emails--you can still reach me HERE). But that is not to say that I don't LOVE you, or that I am not deeply grateful and appreciative of all the LOVE and support you have showered me with in your comments. Though, for now, I am taking the focus off of spreading the power of creativity into the world...and instead transforming this into a sacred place for ME. For ME to fully express myself. For my own journey and creativity. For my own words of truth--a safe place for me to face my obstacles, instead of build new ones.
I am declaring that this is a starting point for me to sincerely and seriously begin writing the chronicles of my Creative Juicy Life.
This Journey Of Mine
Dirty Footprints Studio will be unplugged and disconnected from the online world for the next few months. Sometimes the journey ahead requires a new perspective, a new way of approaching life, and extra space to grow. I will see you again in May 2010. Big, big hugs and I leave you with this....
I PROMISE MYSELF
To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worth while in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of
others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
--Christian D. Larson
Peace & Love.
Cast All Your Votes For Dancing
CAST ALL YOUR VOTES FOR DANCING
I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.
I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.
But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.
You can stay that way
And even bloom!
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.
You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.
Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!
O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter
And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing!
--Hafiz
Peace & Love.
Turn On A Light
"If you want to end darkness, you cannot beat it with a baseball bat, you have to turn on a light."
--Marianne Williamson
Peace & Love.
Dream Exploration
What dream do I wish to explore?
My dreams are shifting. Seriously shifting. Only natural, I guess, that they would reflect the huge shifts that are occurring in my life.
Before, I might have looked as these shifts as the Universe telling me I no longer belong here, that things don't quite fit, or that it was time to change. But those are things I tell myself to keep myself safe. Comfortable. In control. I think before I bail, I should settle into them for awhile--and learn what secrets they have to share.
So, in this moment, when my dreams are starting to fade and some metamorphosis into something else...there are other dreams that are surprisingly rising to the surface. These little lotus petals that have been waiting, brewing, marinating for years.
I wish to explore these baby new dreams that my Creative Juicy life is conceiving.
I wish to rinse the muck of my insecurities and fear off of them, and polish them with TRUST.
I wish to listen to these new ideas that my intuition are whispering...
to invite into my life the things that make me nervous...
to decipher the hieroglyphics I've discovered scribbled on my heart.
Peace & Love.
What dream do you wish to explore? Join Jamie Ridler and many other Lovelies in Wishcasting Wednesday.
My Golden Girl
This is what Nyla does when we are not home! She loves to move the pillows around into a little, personal nest. She's so dang cute that I don't care!!!
When I was living in Cleveland I lived one block away from the Animal Protective League. Almost every weekend I would walk there and pet the dear animals that were patiently waiting to be adopted. I already had two lovable kitties that I saved from there and desperately wanted a dog. But never being a dog owner before, I waited a few years until the right dog spoke to me one day. I wasn't even really looking---I just went in for my weekly lovefest, and this sweet, skinny, docile dog with the name Nyla won me over. She was two years old and her previous owners were moving and felt they couldn't take her along. She was terribly skinny with her ribs showing and so very timid. I kneeled down at her cage and slowly she walked over and pressed her head against the metal rods so I could pet her. I knew then--this was my dog. The search was over.
Ever since then--Nyla and I have been inseparable. In Cleveland, everyone knew Nyla. She would go to my favorite coffee shop with me, hang out as I worked at the Wine Bar sometimes in the evening, trail along as I went grocery shopping at the open air market each week, and sit patiently in my car as I ran into the store for something. If someone invited me over their house, they knew Nyla was coming too...and lots of my non-dog-owner friends had a box of treats especially for her.
Nyla is truly one of my absolute dearest and best friends. I can not imagine life with out her and our nightly snuggle time on the couch!
Today is Nyla's official birthday. She turns ten years old today...or in doggie years 70!!!!
Please join the celebration by giving your own dog or kitty a special treat, hug, or extra walk today! Our pets bring us so much unconditional, blissful, BIG LOVE--let's fill our hearts with gratitude and appreciation!
Happy Birthday Nyla!! I love you!
Peace & Love.
I'm A Teacher- You're A Teacher- We're All A Teacher!
The truth is...we are all teachers of Yoga. Each of us is in a constant Yoga practice called life. Though some of us take a different approach and add a Yoga mat to the mix. But, that is the greatest thing about bloggy land--it is a world of teachers in which we can learn from. I am participating in the WoYoPracMo or World Yoga Practice Month for January...so expect an abundance of Yoga LOVE as I begin this journey.
If you go up to the nav bar underneath the Dirty Footprints Studio header, you will see the link "cool chicas". Scroll under there to "soulful yogis" and you will come to a list of some delicious, inspiring, and helpful blogs about Yoga and living ones practice. I just wanted to highlight a few blogs that I visit regularly. These are Yogis I consider to be my teacher, in how they approach their life through wellness, peace, compassion, and LOVE.
I hope you will take the time to visit their space and share some LOVE as well!
This amazing warrior is Linda of the blog Linda's Yoga Journey. Though--if you run over there now you're gonna have to stroll through her archives for awhile (which I highly recommend) because, Linda is on a beautiful journey to India and Africa where she will be heading a Yoga retreat. But, Linda is a compassionate, honest, and fiesty Yogini who has true zeal for the practice and life. A true teacher.
This gorgeous snow bunny is my dear friend Tiffany who I hope to meet one day. She is awesome!!! A native Australian living in Spain who teaches Yoga and writes an amazing blog called Patheya Blogspot--On Being Human. Tiffany lives a rich and compassionate life and works hard to share the beauty and power of the Yoga life with others.
Oh SweetMango...SweetMango!! My dear sister. My dear friend. One of my greatest teachers ever. This woman embodies beauty, truth, compassion, and LOVE. Her life is a living, breathing Yoga practice...with the peaks and valleys of any incredible journey. Michelle, also known as SweetMango...shares her life's ups and downs as a reflection to a deeper way to live in LOVE. Visit Michelle's blog sweetmangoLOVE HERE.
Lisa, of the blog Eco Yogini, would you like to come over and hang out? It's much warmer here in Arizona then it is up there in Canada!! So when you coming?
I think Lisa is one of the coolest, most interesting Yogini bloggers out there. She always has a fascinating view on Yoga, the environment, and feminist issues. Her blog is bubbling with valuable information on living a more compassionate, well balanced life. I learn so much every time I visit. Thank you for all your hard work, energy, and thought that goes into your blog. I certainly appreciate it.
The Humble Yogini. The blog name says it all. I LOVE this blog. I LOVE the writer--Geri, also known as Janaki. Her writing is filled with reflection, searching as well as understanding, deep, deep compassion, and such great LOVE. I wrap my arms around this blog and give it a big hug every time I visit.
Leslie is another very cool Yogini chica! She writes the blog Yogadiva's Divine Life, a must read! On her blog she shares little tidbits about Yoga, Creativity,and nuggets of wisdom and fun from her own life. Such an inviting place to be.
What an adorable photo of the Miss Melita over at the blog Gussying Up the Tuttle. Melita was a guest writer HERE on Dirty Footprints Studio back in September actually. She is so fabulous, because just recently Melita decided to switch gears and follow her heart through a journey of wellness and Yoga that she plans to create a career from. It's fun and inspiring to follow along on her blog!
I would like to add that there are many other Yogi Bloggers out there that I LOVE and find inspiration from. Please take the time to cruise some of the other Lovelies as well, by going HERE.
Peace & Love.
A Loss For Answers
Today was back to work for me. Starting last night there was this nasty knot in my stomach. I'll be honest, I just didn't want to go back to work today. I'm sure I'm not alone.
Anyways, I got my bootie out of bed early so I could begin the day with a 45 minute Yoga practice. I was feeling incredibly crunchy this morning, so I opted for more gentle, restorative postures. But somehow, that nasty knot actually transformed more into nausea as I tried to find some form of peace on my mat--some solace in my breath or the moonlight that was shining through my window. But my monkey mind was having a field day badgering me with what is so wrong with my job, my life, my body, my self.
Not the way to begin a new year. Or a Monday.
Unfortunately, I CHOSE to carry this crappy mind frame with me throughout most of my day--and things just started to get worse and worse. I even, "absent mindedly" locked my keys in the car. Yeah--ONE of those kind of days.
Sunday I was having great rays of light zap me and create HUGE epiphanies in the car. Monday I was back to square one throwing big baby tantrums in my head.
After today I feel a bit hopeless and at a loss for real answers. But, what I do know is that I plan to stay COMMITTED to my Yoga practice and TRUST that this is the right thing to do in discovering my TRUTH--and the TRUTH of all this actually.
Peace & Love.
Uninterrupted Flow
This photo is from my Creative Juicy Life project HERE.
"Each time we come to the mat, we have an opportunity to work the entire path, moment by moment. As we move through the postures we are constantly enacting each aspect of the path. our bodies, our breath, our minds, and our choices are being refined in the laboratory that is our yoga mat. As this symphony becomes established on our mats, it becomes established in our lives as well. Driving to work, mailing a letter, meeting a friend for lunch all become part of the uninterrupted flow of our yoga practice. We are doing our yoga all the time."
--Rolf Gates
from the book Meditations from the Mat
Peace & Love.
Car Yoga
I woke up this morning thinking "Oh my goodness...I don't want to go back to work tomorrow."
Yes, that was the VERY first thing that entered my mind. I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. My arms, legs, and head were still in the same state that they were seconds ago in slumber--but look at my mean, mean, MEAN mind....trying to spoil a good Sunday from the get go.
I got up anyways and proceeded to throw on some Yoga clothes, wash my face, brush my teeth, and attempt a decent hair-do, then off I went to my Sunday morning Yoga class.
In the car, a huge lump started to form in both my throat and the bottom of my stomach as my mind began to create a long list of things I HAVE to do before tomorrow.
Clean the apartment that has gotten way out of control. Damn it.
Get lesson plans together. Damn it.
Tidy up the studio. Damn it.
Laundry. Double damn it.
Go shopping. Aaaggh.
Walk Nyla. Oh that's not so bad.
Clean the bathroom. Fuck.
Read my Yoga book. Yay!
Plan out meals for the week--what will I take for lunch?
Get gas. Damn it.
Etc. Etc. Damn it. Etc.
Then, almost to my Yoga class, I started to think--"Why?!?!"
No. More like a loud, screaming "WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?! WHY CONNIE!?!?! WHY?" Why didn't you get your act together during your two weeks off and do some of your school work then? Why didn't you keep up with the house work? Why didn't you plan ahead better so your Sunday would be restful....peaceful....delightful? Why? Why? Why?
My answer....because I was fully enjoying long moments of laziness. I was LOVEING spending time taking long walks with Hansel, and enjoying lazy meals together watching movies. I was blissful spending my days painting, reading, and doing Yoga. I was over indulging in hours at the coffee shop journaling and dreaming. I was wasting time partying with friends more then usual. I was taking a much needed, a much desired, a much appreciated break from the stress bomb that was 2009!
That's' why my home looks the way it does...and my work for school is a bit dusty.
Take that mean mind!
But...out of nowhere...a beautiful ray of light zapped into my head!
(Yes--it was very much like that!)
This thought came like lightning from a storm and told me--that these dreadful thoughts I was having about both tomorrow and then going back and rehashing the last two weeks---means I'm spending all my time in both the past and the future--and totally letting my beautiful Sunday slip away. And here it wasn't even 9 AM yet and my tricky mind was trying to already have me at school and steal my last day of vacation from me. Bastard!
That's when I fully realized all that yakkity-yak-yak that goes on in my Yoga classes and the books I read and the Yoga blogs I cruise about being fully in the moment. Sure, our bodies are fully in the moment at all times--that's what Yoga does for us--starts us off there--and by heightening our awareness of the one sure thing that is ALWAYS in the present--maybe we can get that mind of ours up to speed--or like for myself and many others I'm sure, slow it down to tempo.
So, here I was---on a beautiful morning drive through the desert to my Yoga class....and I think I had one of the most powerful Yoga moments of my life before even walking through the door of my Yoga studio. Before even rolling out my mat...or twisting my body into a delicious pose.
Huh.
Pretty cool!
Peace & Love.
Committed to My Creative Juicy Life
I was so in LOVE with participating in December Views this past December...that I intend to keep the photo LOVE alive and happening all throughout my 34th year of life!!
You can check out my daily photo posts by visiting the Creative Juicy Life project up on the nav bar underneath the Dirty Footprints Studio header....or simply go HERE !
I made it through a whole week---and I'm celebrating!
Peace & Love.
Commitment, Trust, & Truth
I take my camera everywhere with me now....and this photo was created due to my clumsiness! I like it--because it is what it is! Kind of fun!
Woke up this morning with tight hamstrings and sore triceps...kind of figured this might happen after my New Year's Day 108 sun salutations. But what is interesting is my relationship to the tight hamstrings and triceps.
I set my alarm clock early so I could make it to my Saturday morning Yoga class. Right away I noticed the stiffness in my body...and instantly I hit the snooze...making a million excuses for myself to miss my Yoga class.
It's Saturday--I can miss a class.
It's the new year--I can give myself a little holiday.
I can go later--or just do it from home.
I did 108 sun salutations yesterday--I don't have to go.
I need to sleep--sleep is very important.
I can just miss today--I'll make up for it.
But as I pulled the covers over my head I remembered that this practice and this journey for me is about commitment, trust, and truth.
I'm going to say that one more time so I make it stick to my brain:
COMMITMENT, TRUST, & TRUTH
So, I tried to change my excuses into positive motivation.
I can go to class--child's pose is always available to me if I need to rest.
I can go to class--it's not a competition of how much I do or how far I push myself.
If I don't go to class--sure, no one will care--but I will--I'll know.
If I go to class--the gentle stretching will loosen my muscles & make me feel better.
What is important is that I commit & show up--not that I do another 108 sun salutations or even do any at all!
I made it to class.
The teacher, who I love and adore, spoke about new year's intentions, resolutions, and goals. This one student spoke about a few months before new year's he decided to set the intention that he would start to intensify his Yoga practice. He set a list of goals, and created a plan on how to achieve this. All was well and dandy, until his car broke down--which then became a huge problem for him to follow through in his plans. His intention to intensify his practice fell apart from there. He said that at first this pissed him off, but in reality, it became a good thing, because he was pushing himself way beyond what his body could take.
I like that little story. I like how the Universe always takes care of us. Throws us major detours when it sees we're heading down the wrong path. I took this as an oracle reminding me to TRUST.
My class went well. I was very gentle with my body--using props instead of the ego to help guide me in certain postures. I didn't go as deep into my warrior pose as I usually would--and it was actually exciting to me--like doing something different!
What I loved the most though about today's practice is that I showed up. I stayed committed and, while I was on the mat, I stayed honest with myself, and where my body was at this exact moment. I think years ago I would have pushed right through--ignoring what my body was saying to me, in exchange to fulfill my ego's need to get somewhere. But for now, I'm committed to shedding those old habits and mind traps...I'm interested in learning who I am--under the tight hamstrings and sore triceps.
Peace & Love.
Tripping Over Joy
TRIPPING OVER JOY
What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying "I Surrender!"
Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.
--Hafiz
Peace & Love.
108 Sun Salutations
I have heard of Yogis that practice 108 sun salutations on the Spring/ Fall Equinox. To me, that seems like such a cleansing and beautiful ceremony to perform. Such an act of commitment and focus. Such a lovely way to honor life and the world we live in.
I woke up this morning thinking I want to do the same thing to ring in the New Year and to seal my commitment and promise to myself to begin a journey into truth.
So, to help me keep track of my sun salutations, I counted out 108 dried black beans and put them in half a coconut shell we had lying on the kitchen counter. The other half I left empty--so that I could transfer a bean after I closed each pose in prayer position.
Why 108? Well, you could go to this great blog post HERE and get a more in depth answer. But, for me, I know that there are 108 beads on the mala, which is a string of beads, much like a rosary, that is used in Buddhist meditation. To me, the 108 sun salutations symbolize a meditation in movement.
Before I began at exactly noon, I sat in my own quiet meditation for awhile, followed by a little journaling. I wrote why I was about to perform this ceremony on this first of a new year. I wrote what this practice means to me.
Thank goodness I decided to journal before beginning such an endeavor. Thank goodness I centered myself and created a concrete purpose for this practice, because by the time I got to my 40th sun salutation my mind started to interfere.
This is the point where I wanted to quit. Sure, I posted on Twitter that I was about to do 108 sun salutations...but would anyone really remember? Would anyone really care?
But who was I doing this practice for? You or me?
Exactly.
So it is at this point that I had to remind myself that the reason I was doing this is because it takes focus, concentration, strength, perseverance, discipline, HONESTY, and TRUST. It takes listening to my body and slowing down and resting when I need to, and changing things along the way as I go--but always staying true to the practice. This practice of 108 sun salutations is a test--one of many I hope--that will make me dive deeper into the truth of who I am. First of many, I hope, experiences that will help me release through sweat and tears and plain old letting go the things that no longer serve me.
At 2:35 pm, I moved my last black bean to the second shell and stood in prayer position breathing deeply. In just a little over two and a half hours I learned so much..so very much about myself. At moments during this practice I felt like a dancer-smooth, precise, and graceful. At other moments, the same pose I just did felt sloppy and unsteady. Even though each pose was the same over and over--each repetition was incredibly different. This body that I call Connie changes from moment to moment--it is my pesky ego that wants to push it and tell it how it should be. But the truth in me, that was so alive and present during this practice--it knows different.
After I ended my practice, I laid on my mat for a half hour Yoga Nidra session. For those of you that don't know...Yoga Nidra is one of the sweetest things in the whole entire Universe! It is also called Yogic Sleep...and it is so hard to put into words...so powerful...and incredible...that not until you try it, will you not fully understand. But I ended this journey today with a deep, deep rest.
I woke up shiny, grateful, and a little lighter.
I woke up ready for the long journey ahead.
Peace & Love.
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