Trusting That She Knows Best

TRUST ME, YOU ARE READY

Morning Painting, acrylic on paper, 18" x 12"

These are some of my Morning Paintings, as I like to call them. Kind of like Julia Cameron's Morning Pages. Except instead of purging my mind through three pages of writing--I purge my consciousness through my paintbrush and color, pattern, and line.

TWO FACED FRIEND

Morning Painting, tempera on paper, 24" x 18"

I started this practice right after returning from the Wild Heart Painting Retreat.

And, it lasted hard-core-full-force for a few weeks.

AN ORIGINAL IDEA

Morning Painting, tempera on paper, 17" x 15.5"

Until things started to organically balance itself out.

Now I still wake up and immediately go into the studio--but I make a pit-stop in the kitchen first to put on a cup of tea. Then, before I pull out my Art supplies, I sit in meditation for awhile. Followed by a little Yoga.

Sometimes I spend more time on the mat then I do with the brush. Some days it's the other way around. Others, I find I never make it past the meditation part--as I get lost in listening to the birds chirp outside my window and don't want to move Nyla's sweet head asleep on my lap.

And as much as I long to check my email, jump on Twitter, and see what everyone's up to on Facebook...I save that for very, very last.

My morning, at least for an hour--is just for me.

LILY BROOKE

(inspired by two of my kiddos at school)

tempera on paper, 12" x 9"

We spend so much time doing. Going from the next thing to the next and thinking about the hundredth thing to do after that before we even started the first.

For me, my Morning Pages started out as me doing it--being an Artist working from my core. I think if I just kept up at the rate that I started at, I would have crashed and burned a couple weeks ago. But I'm into listening to that voice now-a-days, trusting that she knows best.

Belly Wishes

Jamie...Oh Jamie...Oh Jamie!! Miss Jamie Ridler asked us this week: What do you wish to invest in? That's a loaded question for me.

Of course, easy answer...right?! Invest in myself.

But--more then anything, now--right NOW--I need to invest in my health. I've been told by three different people----wise, wise souls---that it is time I get my health in check. All this stress and poor, impulsive choices has left my body with a layer of mushy fat that sucks my energy like a leech--and keeps me feeling less then my truest self.

I know it's simply not healthy.

I know it's weighing me down--keeping me from feeling my best---an obstacle from keeping me strong.

And how I want to be strong.

So, Universe...are you listening? I wish to invest in my health.

Before anything else.

(work, relationships, creativity!!!)

Amen.

And if I may, I'd like to add a subscript to my wish, dear Universe. I'd like to add that in this wish--as I invest in my overall health--please help me to embrace my belly--to be kind to my stomach--to relish in my curves---all as I move forward to tone and balance my body....carefully, kindly, precisely, and always with great LOVE.

Dream Chaser

MY GODDESS..MY QUEEN is slowly coming along.

Not quite finished yet. Got quite a ways to go!

In the morning I've been spending time being quiet and listening to the words of my spiritual teacher, Mooji. In a recent video that I watched of him, he stated that once he knew God--when he realized that HE was actually divinity--that instead of feeling powerful that he could do anything--he felt that he could do nothing. He realized that he didn't have to change anything--or fix anything.

Powerful stuff. Like super, duper, incredible--stopped-me-in-my-tracks kind of powerful stuff. Something that I've had my heart and mind wrapped around ever since.

We all hear it. We all hear that if we really realized how powerful we really are--that we could do anything...make our dreams come true...move mountains...heal the world. And here is a wise, wise man that says, once he realized that God was within him--he couldn't do anything.

You know why? Or rather, do you want to know what I think?

Because all this dream chasing, world changing, heart longing for something different--is simply are ego speaking--and not our authentic, honest self.

That part of ourself--our actual self--all stripped down and true--it is authentic in EVERYTHING we do. Our truest self is happy with who we are. Is grateful to be alive. Is aware that time is meaningless--that our souls are seamless--that life is plausible, silly, and full of things to discover and play with.

And all we can do is show up now. Meet ourselves here--right now. Be who we are today--where we are today--in however that looks or feels. Sure we will still long for a tomorrow that might seem more shiny and perfectly matched to our soul--but we are still living in a moment--that at one time, was a moment we wished for before.

I no longer want to be a dream chaser. I'd rather sit softly in the notion that all is perfect now--and keep my eyes, heart, and mind wide, wide open--to the twists and turns and unexpected soft landings of this incredible journey I'm on.

The one I like to call my Creative Juicy Life. The one I keep learning about.

(PS Today Dirty Footprints Studio turns 2 years old!!!

Yay!! Thanks for being here...thanks for sharing this space with me...

thanks for the support, the LOVE, the connection to your heart. I appreciate YOU!)

A Time To Say Good Bye

Morning Painting, Acrylic on Paper, 24" x 17.5"

If you are a friend of Dirty Footprints Studio on Facebook, then you got to see the various stages this painting went through last week. Check it out HERE and share the LOVE!

Eighteen more days of school left until the ol' summer vacation kicks in!! The thing is, I'm so overwhelmed by the million things I need to do before then, that I can't let myself even get excited yet. This week I plan to really burn some rubber and get serious about tying up lose ends. That's it. That's a big part of what I have to do. Get things ready in my room for the next Art Teacher to take over...and gather my things to take with me....and purge all that stuff that sits around taking up space....and paperwork...lots and lots of paperwork.

And......say good bye.

I really feel like I'm saying good bye to a lot of things.

Saying good bye to my kiddos, a room I got comfy in, my peers that I grew fond of, a routine I got used to, a salary I depended on, and a way of going through my day I got good at. I'm purposely saying good bye to it all because I believe this is what I need to do to fulfill the truth of who I really am.

I'm creating space that I plan to fill with things that purely make me happy. That feel good. That fit what my heart believes is right. That reaches out to others and helps their creativity blossom--that helps the world bloom deeper into LOVE and light. I plan to fill the space with work that nourishes me as well as others--and more time for just being.

Simply being.

Like I told you before, I'm done with making a living...I've moved on to making a Life.

I'm going to apologize now for not being around so much in the next couple weeks--gotta lot to do--and a chica's gotta do what a chica's gotta do!! But--I will be chatting on Facebook HERE, tweetin' occasionally HERE, and of course hangin' with my Lovelies over on Art Journal LOVE Letters--you should join the fun by going HERE!!

Big hugs!! Thanks for understanding!

Lookie Here!

That's me. It's almost 1:30 pm today--and I've been laying on this couch doing nothing all day! Well, if you consider yakkin' on the phone and surfing the net nothing--which I kind of do. And guess what--this feels really good. Like, really-really-REALLY good!!

Of course--I have lots of other things I could be doing--work I should be doing to get myself caught up--ahead of the game even. But I choose not to. I choose to enjoy the way my body feels melting into the cushion. I choose to love the way Nyla is all curled up at the end of the couch. She's perfected the act of being and has no regrets about it what-so-ever.

Listen, I'm going to tell you something. There's only 18 more days of school left till summer break! 18 more days left of this life--and then I turn the page--start a new chapter--begin a new leg of the journey. And I'm declaring right here--right now, in this next chapter---I insist on there being more days like this. Where the couch does all the work---and I just show up!

Earth Day Everyday

MOTHER NATURE

tempera and oil pastel on paper, 18" x 12"

I celebrated Earth Day yesterday by simply painting.

TREE FULL OF LIFE

tempera and oil pastel on paper, 11" x 16"

How do you celebrate Earth Day every day?

Sharing the LOVE

Tami Chacon, the writer and Artist of the beautiful blog Dream-Wish-Hope, is also one of my beloved Lovelies over at Art Journal LOVE Letters. She so kindly shared her thoughts on her experience of being part of this online LOVE affair! Along with being grateful for her sweet words of encouragement, I feel blessed to know her and share in her inspiring Art Journal LOVE!!

Please let yourself fall in LOVE with her beautiful Art Journal pages....and come and join us for an online workshop--that feels more like an online LOVE affair between you and your Art Journal.

I have been missing in blogland - I blame it on Journal fever. I’ve become addicted to art journaling. I find myself at my art table late at night - painting away, altering photos, creating pockets, doodling to my heart’s content. So many ideas bubbling in my head - images I see in my mind that I want to capture.

The last month I have been taking Art Journal LOVE Letters with Connie Hozvicka at Dirty Footprints Studio. And I have never had so much fun! Her videos are funny, inspiring, thought-provoking, and FREEING! (And the music is great!) Connie’s LOVE letters encourage me to just let it go. Just explore, follow my muse! AWESOME!

I find myself throughout each day thinking of things to try and ideas to implement. Then, at night on goes my Ipod and I escape into Art JOURNAL HEAVEN.

All of the participants were welcoming and encouraging. Connie responded to posts with words and feelings of love and encouragement. A thoroughly soul expanding experience!

Thank you Connie. Your class opened my heart, my paintbrush, and my soul!

Art Journal LOVE Letters is a self-paced online workshop where I will be there with you each step of the way--nurturing, challenging, and celebrating your own unique Art Journal LOVE. All of this for a super affordable price of $32.40!
Go HERE for more information and to register.
Big hugs!

Help!! I'm Buried Alive!

I need to write.

Seriously. I. NEED. TO. WRITE.

It has been one of those days...and right before I sat down and began to write...I took these photos to show you what kind of day. No. What kind of week. Wait. What kind of freaking month it has been!!

I am a tidy, neat, organized kind of chica when it comes to work. My bathroom and the kitchen--not so much. But work. I got it all down. That is why these photos are so shocking....at least to me.

But where does one start? How did it get so out of control? I honestly feel buried alive by things. Things to do. Things to fill out, read, write, turn in, pay, create, file, organize, go-over, grade, research, and throw away. Things that I'm not going to let myself get in a tizzy about. Things that I'm going to take one-thing at a time. Things that I am going to slowly carve away at. Things that I control--Connie--you're not buried alive!!



This is a crazy time of year. Only 21 more days of school left and a million and twenty nine more things to do before then. Teachers are crazy. Students are nutty. And it's easy to get buried in all the silliness. It's easy to pile on negativity, complaining, and blame. Bury myself in something heavy that I can't really see along with all the things you see sitting in front of me.

But where will it get me anyways?

Truth of the matter is, these are my last days in a place I've spent three years in. Children I've got to share my days with--see grow in many ways. This is a place that has helped me grow incredibly--has paid my bills--and supported my dreams, even when I didn't believe it so.


A third grade girl gave me this painting today as a going away gift. She knew I would like it, she said. And boy is she right!!

I think part of why I am burying myself--is to keep a big part of me here. I get all teared up just looking at that painting. I'm not ready to put things away yet, or to file those last grades. As much as I hated this place at times--all that suffering and pain was one of my greatest teachers ever. I am grateful for the shit. Seriously, deeply grateful.

And the craziest thing of all, that I think when I look around my room, is it feels just like yesterday that it was the first day of school. The music teacher and I walked in for the first time and I turned to her and said "this is my last year here." And I had no idea what I meant--I just knew that something else was waiting for me across the bend.

So here I am. About to turn the page. Start a new chapter. What will the new winds ahead of me have to say? I'm sure there will be challenges and craziness of my day.

But the one thing I know..that I'm certain of, for sure, is that I am an Art teacher. This is what I do. This is what I am here for--if it be in this room, online, or on the beach in Costa Rica. Thanks to these past three years, I know this of me now completely, and I embrace it--with all its ups and downs, messy paint spills, disorganized desk top, and masterpieces from third graders .

Back Again

This painting has only just begun!

The universe, like any mirror, is neutral. It reflects back whatever is in front of it, without judgement or distortion. If you can trust that, then you have taken the crucial step of renunciation. You've renounced the belief that the outer world has power over you. As with everything else on the path to unity, living this truth is what will make it true.

--from The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra

When I started this painting, it was much lighter, sweet, safe, blah. It had drippy-drips, soft colors, and it just wasn't doing it for me. If you look closely, you can kind of see the ghost of my first image bleeding through. And, well, I feel it's a bit trite. Too comfortable. Too expected for me.

So, I stepped away for awhile. Went into the other room and laid on the couch.

What could I do that would be super bold and even a little scary right now in terms to the painting?

I went back in the studio and opened my jar of black paint. Picked up a medium size brush, and just allowed my painting to speak to me. To tell me what it needed. To give it permission to express itself completely.

I had to laugh--because she found her way back to me.

My Queen, my Goddess, my inner voice.

Me.

BIG

And so Miss Jamie Ridler asks...What do you wish to dare?

I dare myself to be BIG.

To dream BIG.

To inhale BIG, deep breathes.

To walk BIG, talk BIG, hug BIG, and drink BIG smoothies.

To make BIG, bold brushstrokes.

To be BIG in my intentions.

To be BIG as a mountain when I discuss my BIG happiness and BIG gratitude.

To be BIG as a swan when gracefully moving through this BIG world.

To make BIG plans.

To make BIG bucks.

To take BIG naps, BIG breaks, and BIG days of doing nothing.

To do nothing BIG.

To do everything BIG.

To be BIG.

To paint BIG.

To embrace every inch of myself that is lusciously BIG.

To live BIG.

To LOVE BIG over and over again.

Learning To Be Still

Morning is simply my favorite part of the day. Especially now--when it's sunny out the second I rise.

Instead of rolling out my Yoga mat or picking up my paintbrush--I've been sitting lately by the window. Letting the sun bathe me and the birds serenade me.

Just sitting. Sipping hot water with lemon, sometimes with a little something to eat.

I want to hold onto this feeling forever. Merge it into my busy day. I want mornings to never change--always stay this way.

And then my mind will start to wander. Start to kill the moment of pure peace and serenity.

I begin to think that in an hour I must be in the car, in a few days I must have such paperwork finished and turned in, in a month I must be ready for summer break, in August I'll be starting my new part time job, then where will these mornings go. They'll begin to slip away from me.

Then I look at the clock, and notice the sun has found it's place at the top of the blue sky. I have to begin the rest of my day, and sadly I just traded this beautiful morning for a mental roller coaster ride --all the soft sunshine......I just let it pass me by.

Awake Past Midnight

It is a half past midnight. And I'm still up.

There are birds outside my window chirping.

Theo, my gato, is curled asleep against my knee.

Hansel is laughing to some late night tv.

Count your blessings my dear friends.

Take the time to see how LOVE even floods the air we breathe.

I am grateful that you share this space with me.

I am grateful for the support and encouragement--

the unconditional permission to be fully me.

The Ripple Effect

NYLA

photo by my beloved Hansel

I am homeless not helpless.

That is what this man's sign says. He sits under a tree with his dog, almost every Sunday--near the street by the organic grocer where Hansel works. When you drive by, he smiles and waves. He looks old and worn from the sun and the harder parts of life.

Do you know how much food costs now-a-days? Do you know how much they jack up the prices of organic food even more? But I'll tell you, I'll take an organic, juicy, red apple over a non-organic one any day. They taste better. They make you feel better even. And, I am blessed to know the difference. I am blessed to have such an abundance in my life.

Sunday, when I drove past the homeless man, something told me to turn my car around and go to the grocer again. Something told me that I should share with this man, if only it was one little meal. But then something also told me not to. Just go home Connie. Where will you park? What will people think? Maybe he's not even homeless.

It's funny how good intentions are always followed by a skeptical voice.

But, I went into the grocer. I purchased a sandwich, some grapes, a huge bottle of water, and some dog food. I drove back to where he sits, and I pulled to the side of the street. I thought: I'll hop out just for a moment and give him the food. But when I looked into his eyes, I realized he was no longer a homeless man--he was a soul, just like me and you. So I stayed for a little while to talk.

And you know what happened?

Another person pulled behind my car and stopped. They gave him some money. And another behind that one, and another behind that one. Each pulling out things from their grocery bags.

And right before I left, another car stopped again causing a traffic jam.

That's all it took. One person to step out and share--to open their heart to another human being. I'm not telling you this to receive your praise. I'm telling you this, in hope the ripple effect that happened Sunday on the street--can happen again--starting here.

Beautiful

This beautiful foundation was created by one of my Lovelies in Art Journal LOVE Letters: Elizabeth Needham.....here is what Elizabeth commented yesterday about her experience with Art Journal LOVE Letters so far...

"Thanks, connie! You truly have a special gift for encouraging and supporting--I have procrastinated SO MANY TIMES about starting a journal and when I did try to start one, it felt forced, or I made it 'forced' and stopped before I began. You have organized your course so well. There is concrete inspiration through your videos and comments but also constant inspiration through your honest willingness to teach, coax, and share. I am really having fun and it is a pleasure getting to know you and the rest of the gang! Thanks again!"

I'm telling you...Art Journal LOVE Letters is more then an online workshop...this is an online LOVE affair. You will fall deeply, madly in LOVE with Art Journaling through learning new techniques, being inspired to dig deeper, and constant support and encouragement from myself and the many other Lovelies there as well!! Every day is full of Creative Juicyness!!

I look forward to seeing YOU there!!!

Go HERE for more information and to register at the super low price of $32.40.

Big hugs!

You Are What You Are Seeking

I needed to hear this today.
I thought you might too.

Thinking Creatively

Thinking Creatively.

This is what's been on my mind. (Along with a bunch of other foggy chatter, to be honest.)

But Friday morning, right after I stepped out of the shower, this totally awesome idea came to me. For weeks I've literally been tossing ideas around in my head about a certain project I want to create--but nothing seemed to synch well together.

This started to really frustrate me.

Anyways, before I'd go to sleep each night I'd write my ideas down--just to let them have a place to rest for the evening, so possibly I could find a little slumber myself.

How can one think Creatively if you're brain is toast?

So.....right after I had this great idea I realized a little somethin somethin about thinking Creatively....for me, it takes time to build.

It takes a lot of little pieces coming together to create that "a-ha" moment.

Numerous brush strokes to create a masterpiece.

Lots of tasty vegetables to make a delicious soup.

A village to raise a child.

A few sentences to make a paragraph.

Tons of sand to make a beach.

Catch my drift?

That's it. Pretty simple stuff--but to me, it was so stinkin' profound.

Just knowing this eases my discomfort with waiting--or even worse--not knowing. Because the truth is, we do know--we know little pieces--little fragments--it just takes a bit of good ol' fashioned patience to make the magic really happen.

So carry on you Creative Wildwomen...carry on and persevere.

LOVE This So...

POSTCARD LOVEN

I'm still high on painting, of course!! And one night this week I made some more postcard LOVE and I painted a little painting of my new "Creative Wildwoman"--you'll hear more about her soon!!

MINI ME

The kiddos at school have been taking their standardized tests all week...so that means only 20 minute classes--and the kids are going totally bonkers from hours of testing. So, for fun--in first grade we made "Mini Me" puppets to really express ourselves!!!

EIGHTH GRADERS GONE WILD

In 8th grade I rolled out a huge sheet of paper, some paint, and handed each kiddo a paintbrush and let them have at it!! I guess it kind of speaks for itself........Ohhh middle schoolers!

TOTAL CREATIVE JUICY-NESS!

There's a beautiful new website that was just launched yesterday by the Creative Juicy Lisa of the blog Life Unity...it is called STRENGTH TO BE ME...and it is a great gathering place to explore the different ways to strengthen your spirit, body, and creativity. I adore Miss Lisa and feel that this website is only the beginning for her--she has a lot of goodness to share and inspiration to shower us with!! Go check it out HERE and fall in LOVE...with especially yourself!

INSPIRATION LOVE

Oouuhh!! I just read this great blog post called 30 and Unemployed over on the fabulous blog Crazy Sexy Life. It's such a great post....here is a little excerpt from it...

The day I graduated from college, I lost the title of “journalism student” and immediately began seeking another title that would gain credibility and acceptance both amongst my peers and, more importantly, with myself. Seven years later, I have a multitude of titles that were gained as I explored various paths to redefine this lost identity. I have been a writer for a fashion magazine in Austin, an Olympic tour operator in Greece and Italy, a surfboard sales rep in Orange County and, most recently, a BizDev gal for a video production company. And while each of these careers has been a part of my random adventure, they have more often caused stress and anxiety than passion and enlightenment. Just recently, I had an epiphany while practicing an inversion posture in yoga: Work does not define me. And with that realization, I put in notice with my employer and started practicing more random acts of handstands.

LITTLE LOVELINESS

I tell my kiddos at school that you have officially "made it big" when other people begin copying your work. Why they ask? Well, because people usually don't copy garbage--only the good stuff!!!! If my advice to kindergartners rings true...then I have officially "made it big"!! A young Creative Juicy Artist by the name of Ashlyn, who is the daughter of the extra sweet, supportive, and totally Creative Juicy Linnea of the blog Playing Connect-The-Dots With The Universe decided to create her own Little LOVELY!! And...I am super impressed!!! Great job Ashyln!! Maybe one day we can paint together.

Plus...if you are interested in having your own Little LOVELY, or one for a Little LOVELY you know and adore--send me a message HERE & let's get one started!! I've had two new commissions for them just this week--and that I'm super excited about!!

WHAT CREATIVE JUICY GREAT STUFF ARE YOU LOVING ABOUT THIS WEEK?

Please share in a comment--I would LOVE to know and celebrate with you!!

Big hugs!

Sharing the LOVE

I Heart Art Journal Love Letters from Jamie Ridler on Vimeo.

I am so touched by the kind words the Miss Jamie Ridler herself says about her experience taking Art Journal LOVE Letters!!!
Thank you Jamie!!! Big hugs!


Art Journal LOVE Letters is a self paced Art Journaling experience--where I am there with you each step of the way!! For more information and to register please go HERE.

Wish To Be Gentle

Another day of being morning hall monitor at work.

Another day the kiddos are taking their standardized tests.

For Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie Ridler asks: What do you wish to be gentle with?

I am enough.

My life as it is today is enough.

I have enough cash to put gas in my car, food on the table, clothes on my juicy butt, and art supplies in my studio.

I have enough LOVE around me to hold me and all my silliness up.

I have enough time to follow my dreams.

I have enough brains in my head to write this post you are reading now.

I have enough of everything.

Then why...why are there moments when I feel that I'm lacking?

My blog could be better, prettier.

My Art could be more powerful.

I could have more followers, more money, more time to make things happen.

I could be skinnier, healthier, a better cook and neater even.

I could be smarter--and know what they know.

I could be braver--and do what they do.

I could be wiser--and be better then they are.

Or, I can be gentle.

I wish to be gentle with this thing I call my Creative Juicy Life. I wish to cradle it, nourish it, and LOVE it like a young child--gently and soft.

I wish to look at where I am today, who I am today, and what my life looks and feels like today and hold it close to my heart--gently--cupping it in my hands, holding it against my heart, snuggling it close to me when the worries and "coulds" start to flood in.

Feast or Famine

Happy Tomato by Darrah Parker

I don't want to make a living.

I want to make a life.

Simple as that.

Lately I've been making choices to align with theese ideas--theese feelings--theese dreams I've had brewing in my heart for awhile now. Except, for years, when I spoke of them--they always seem far off--in a foreign country, in a future time, in a different me.

Now I'm not saying that I don't still dream of Costa Rica--and that my plan to build a Dirty Footprints Studio there has ceased.

Noway Jose!

Shy Tomato by Darrah Parker

Instead, I understand things differently now. I see things differently.

When I've always spoken of Costa Rica--it has never been to go there and start a new career, or create a place to make money. It has always been to create a place that is an extension of my values, my love, my passion, my mission in life....my L.O.V.E.

But even more, when Hansel and I speak of Costa Rica it is always about living a more simpler life.

A more easier life.

A slower life.

A life that is closer to nature and organic in sense.

It is about helping the community and reaching out across the globe.

It is about experiencing peace, sharing peace, and living a truth that circles around peace.

So then why Connie?

Why has it taken you so dang long to realize this life can happen here--now?!?!

Curious Tomato by Darrah Parker

Answer: FEAR. (in capital letters).

Plain and straight forward. FEAR.

I have been afraid of being the bigness I am. If I push it off to another place or another time, then I can hide behind it. I can have great ideas, big dreams, and energizing ideas--and just sit at the table with them--like dinner dates. I never have to cook, wash the dishes, or perform any of the work or hardship that goes into digesting ones dreams. I can just sit there and smile at the shiny goodness of it all. Better yet--I can invite friends over too, and we can all smile at the feast of dreams on the table.

As we all go hungry.

My dreams and ideas do me or the world no good just sitting on a platter.

Your dreams are no good to me, the world, or especially yourself if you too let them sit there getting cold.

It's time to stop making a living.

And start making a life.

A Little Somethin' I Realized Today...

That's me chillin' out as hall monitor...as the kiddos take their standardized tests.

It is always easier to be happy

--then to let yourself fall into the clench of stress and sorrow.

It is easier to think things are going your way

--then to worry that they may fall apart.

It is easier to smile and laugh to yourself

--then it is to join in the status quo and be miserable.

I'm Ready

Tonight I read THIS post by Lisa over on the blog Dandelion Seeds and Dreams. It is so sweet. So honest. So full of gratitude and LOVE. And it got me thinking about high school--and who I was--who I have been--who I am now--and who I want to be. AND--are all these who I's connected? Does what happened years ago as I scurried through the halls of a big brown bricked building called high school--play a part in my choices now.

I think so.

In some strange and beautiful way.

In high school I had an Art teacher named Mr. Roese. He taught the Fine Arts in my school--and from my freshman year on, I was always registered for his classes. Then, when I got into my junior and senior year, I was part of the Commercial Art vocational school--which took up a big chunk of my time. I remember still being in one of his classes--but Mr. Roese wanted me in his Advance Art class as well, which would mean giving up my study halls and having a full schedule. Being a teenager, I declined.

Mr. Roese refused to tolerate my adolescent laziness and began to "harass" me into taking his class. I would be in other classes and he would come in and in front of everyone make an announcement saying that I needed to be in his class. He would call me at home. Talk to my mother. Have other teachers tell me that I needed to take it. And last, my counselor called me down and tried to convince me that I really needed to be in his class.

Finally, I said ok. Gave up my study hall--and made Art instead.

Shortly after, Mr. Roese asked me to stay after class one day to discuss one of my oil pastel drawings. What I thought would be a critique--actually was his confession on why he wanted me to be in his class so bad.

I remember that day completely.

He sat next to me and told me that he wanted me to be in his class because I was a painter--and he believed I had the soul of a painter--and that I had it in me to make it as a painter. He told me that the road ahead would be a tough one--but he knew it was for me--and he wanted to give me as much foundation and support now that he could.

I was blown away by this. Blown away.

Of course I was a painter--I painted all the time--and with a fury straight from my teenage existence. But to have a respected adult--an Artist--tell me so. That was big. That was everything to me back then.

And--where did that go? I've not stopped painting since those days...but I have ceased to be a painter for what now has seemed too long. I have ceased to live my life through my paint brush, to see the world in light and color, to have the courage to FULLY EXPRESS MYSELF. The road did get tough, Mr. Roese, and I let a big part of myself slip away.

But it was the paintbrush that reminded me...it was the paint that woke my soul up from its deep slumber.

This is my one and only Creative Juicy life...and sometimes....the connections of spirits we make years ago--in high school, college, or even on the playground when we were three--can come back to haunt or help you.

Tonight, after reading Lisa's post, I sat with Mr. Roese again and cried. I told him how sad I've been--how lost I've been feeling through the years. How I thought painting was about this--and I would go in that direction--to find it was never about that. How I started to find a niche at times--and then the niche would get wider, deeper, until it became a ditch--and I had to climb my way out again. I told him about how I had no idea what to paint--so I would look every where I could. I told him that my painter soul felt simply like it was pretending, going through the motions, playing some silly, silly role.

And I told him thank you for believing in me--when I didn't believe in myself--because he was a witness to the part of me that just naturally did what I was meant to do--and didn't think or put a price tag to it.

I'm ready now. Ready to make my Creative Juicy dreams come true. Ready to breathe life into my painter's soul. Ready to believe in the spark--my spirit--the way paint sticks to my fingers and never wants to let go--ready to become a medium to my Queen--ready to offer the world what it has been waiting for from me.

Ready to be that girl I was years ago.

I Promise Myself Revisited

Photo by the awesome Hansel, of course!

So, I've been thinking.

This weekend I posted the poem I Promise Myself here on Dirty Footprints Studio. I try to post it every month...ANNNND....you can find it on my "about" page as well.

I kind of have a thing for this poem. I like it. It speaks to me. Gets me all jazzed and ready to face the world...like how the Eye of the Tiger by Survivor is for some people!

These kids rock!

And usually, when I post it, I get the same nice response. People being inspired--people claiming that they're gonna run on out and spread it all over the place--print t-shirts, make billboards, tattoo their biceps with it.

Well, sort of that response.

And then, this weekend Miss Emma, the Creative Juicy over at Treehouse Jukebox, decided to challenge the whole poem--and share her twist on it all.

Awww...refreshing.

What sparked was a discussion on what does it all really mean? Is it actually realistic to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear? Shouldn't we acknowledge--even embrace the darker side of our selves? Is this poem all fluff--and totally disregarding the whole being of who we truly are?

This weekend I let my mind get all wrapped up in analyzing this poem..in over thinking it even. I started to try to get to the core of what it really is that attracts me to this poem--enough to keep repeating it, to live with it, to read it often as if it was a prayer or a pledge of allegiance to myself.

And then, it occurred to me.

Stop thinking about it. Stop trying to dig deeper and excavate reason. What attracted you to this poem--was a feeling. A feeling that it provoked in me--to believe. To believe in the best of who I am...always--whatever circumstance, emotion, or event was to arise.

I think our feelings are a land mine of gold and precious gems.

They hold the answers to so many of our minds silly, silly questions--but we seem to lose the ability to interpret them as we grow older. As our minds develop--we believe that it should hold precedence over the rest of us.

For so long now, my heart--my soul--my deepest feelings have been telling me to make a change and start a career that is based fully on working for myself by fully expressing my Creative Juicy-ness.

I could feel this in my bones.

Stroll through the archives here on DFS and you'll see for yourself as well. This is something I've been living with for quite awhile.

But it's my mind that's been conducting business all this time. My mind has been instructing my decisions based on hard cold facts--like my checkbook, the bills that show up each month, and it certainly takes lots of notes when it hears about the "bad economy".

Though, all I have to say is thank you mind....but no thanks. Where the hell have you gotten me so far? And, the conductor you might be---I'm the stinking train--and my feelings are the coal that really run this babey. So back off--you're fired.

My heart, my soul, these crazy feelings I have buried deep within--they're taking over--they've been promoted...and now I believe the real journey has begun...and that is what I promise myself.

Share Your Gift With the World

Oh Suzi, I LOVE you.

Enquiring Minds Want to Know...

I need your help with something....I know this is a little strange request....but, I gotta question for you...and would appreciate you leaving an answer in the comment space...

When you are visiting Dirty Footprints Studio, does a little box ever pop up and ask you if you want to abort a script that is slowing things down? I think it has to do with the slideshow in the banner above. But the funky thing is that sometimes this happens...and sometimes it doesn't. I was wondering if it is just me--my computer--or some silly gremlin playing games with me!

What is your experience?

I told the cool chica that created this blog design for me...and she's stumped...because it doesn't happen to her ever.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Thanks for your help!! Hope you're having a beautiful Sunday!

Big hugs!

I Promise Myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worth while in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best

and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of

others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the

greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile

to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I

have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,

not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,

so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

--Christian D. Larson

(All photos taken by my Hansel in our beloved Sedona, AZ.)