I'm Engaged

My mother worked very hard as a single parent to send my brother and I to Catholic School. I went for eight years...and I'll tell you, my favorite class other than Art was Religion. I especially loved it when the priest or pastor came in and taught--because to me at that age, I felt he was the most qualified--and I believed he had a direct linkage to the big guy himself. You know being on his payroll and all.

Also I was always intrigued by the nuns in my school. They were old and grumpy and wore skirts that hung longer in the front than the back. And each of them had white hair.
White. Not grey.
White--and I was sure that that had a direct correlation to the big guy himself as well.

And right up until middle school I dreamt of being a nun. A cool nun. A nun that did Art and wore ripped up jeans instead of frumpy skirts.

I wanted to be a nun because once a priest told me that nuns got married to God.

Yes, can you imagine what my eight year old mind did with that nugget of information?

I could see it clearly in my head....God coming down on a rainbow--looking quite Ralph Macchio'ish and I there adorned in a dress quite similar to Princess Diane's (am I totally dating myself or what?!) And we marry--and I go through life doing whatever I want--because I'm married to the big guy himself.

No worries. No struggle. No money issues. No school even. Just me and God--husband and wife. Forever and ever.

Yep, somewhere around sixth grade I think, I figured out that being married to God didn't mean a unicorn carriage ride and angel flower girls. So I canned that idea and stuck with Artist instead.

But my love for God...for the divine...for the magic in life never left me.

Though, for years and years I buried it. I gave up on religion--only because I failed to see the passion and magic there like I found listening to all the great stories in religion class.

I remember being in my 20's and taking my grandmother to church on Christmas eve. It was the first time in years that I had been back and I sat there listening to the priest speak of how our savior was born....and then people began to mumble from behind their psalm books.

Where was the passion, I thought?
Where was the joy and celebration?
Your savior is born people--shouldn't we be knocking it up a bit? Shouldn't we be setting off fireworks and opening up a bottle of bubbly? What's with the horrible singing and drained faces. I thought. Where's the magic?
Where's the magic?
Come on--where's the magic?

Right around this time I found yoga. Like really found yoga.

When I rolled out that mat and started putting myself in funny shapes...I started to feel different. I started to connect with that love for God again. And lucky for me, I found yoga through a studio that knew that yoga is way more than just funny shapes--and the things they talked about there got me fired up. The people there chanted--and we chanted loud--and lively--and with passion. There was magic every time I went to class. There was love just bursting in that little, tiny studio room--that I knew I found my God again.

Me and the big guy were back together. It was on.

So why do I bother to tell you this? Why do I interrupt my stream of painting-Art posts to ramble on about childhood dreams of nunhood?

Because on Friday I start my Yoga Advanced Studies and Teacher Training Program. I can't help but feel nervous...scared...as if I just got engaged to God himself.

Because seriously, I did.

I know everyone I talk to about this program says the same damn thing...how it will transform your life--how it eats you alive--then spits you out--and you're never the same. I get that. I want that.

But this is something even more to me. This is something so profound, so sacred...that I struggle for words.

I'm not stepping into this journey to learn more silly poses and to color in my anatomy book. I'm not even stepping into it to help other people make their own silly poses. I'm stepping into this journey for that eight year old Connie that loved God so much that she longed to marry him and dedicate her life and Art to him.

I'm stepping into this journey because it's time me and divinity pick up where we left off and get busy making magic.

Because that, to me, is what religion is.
And that's what this Creative Juicy Life has been missing.


Rita Hutcheson-Cobbs said...

Oh, Girl, wow...I love this completely with the passion and the faith, I get it...sending positive thoughts and prayers filled with excitement for you! Faith is fun, artistic, whimsical and wonderful...I smile thinking of my love for God and all the creative expression He has given. Thanks for this reminder {{{Hugs}}}

Cynthia said...

"I'm stepping into this journey because it's time me and divinity pick up where we left off and get busy making magic.

Because that, to me, is what religion is.
And that's what this Creative Juicy Life has been missing."

Totally, totally in shivers over here. My journey to reconnect to the divine is ongoing and as I am taking BIG, I have some other things going on and for the first time, I believe that it is possible to be walk in my faith tradition again. It is a very different path but it feels good to moving along it.

And about yoga ... it has been calling this body for several years now. Much like painting did in 2002 but wasn't until 2006 that I picked up the brush.

I need to move forward onto that path as well.

Any suggestions?

ABCcreativity said...

I love everything about this Connie.

Sunflower Farm and Petit Creek Lavender said...

Wow I love that and I truly got it

Sharon said...

Great post, Connie! I get it too! :)

Janna said...

When you find it... you can't fight it. How exciting for you. Keep going girl. you are an inspiration.

Leah said...

How exciting!! Best wishes on this new adventure, Connie!

Yvonne said...

The story of the little Connie dreaming about being married to God is very sweet.
I'm not religious and I don't go to church because, as you said, it is definitely boring. People go there, thinking they should go or that that's a proof of being a good human being. But it's not. They make nothing out of it.
I don't practice yoga, too. Maybe I will someday when my school is finally paid... I like what you tell about it.
But I believe in God, in higher powers and magic. Where ever you find it, it's home.

I'm looking forward to read about this experience!

Amy said...

Oh my gosh, Connie, I am in love with your story. I feel like it just woke me up. I have been lacking passion lately. I think I need to find excitement, inspiration, and something I am passionate about, like you. <3

Brandi Marie said...

I so so feel what you are saying. The thing about being a nun that always appealed to me was the absolute commitment to a lifestyle very different from the "norm". I admire that bravery to follow a calling.

So yes, I too am searching and looking and listening and turning over every rock I find. Always open to the divine, the magic.

Best wishes on your journey.

ps: hmmm this may be the first time I've posted on your blog? If so.... hi :)

whollyafool said...

This is something I would LOVE to do someday too! I totally get you on the passionate & profound & magical kind of divinity. Good for you Connie! Congrats on your engagement! :D

Jeniffer said...


mary said...

Let me just confirm your calling to God, past the sullen faces who had no passion (on Christmas Eve of all times).

I grew up Catholic too, but unlike you, did not enjoy the stories or the nuns. I remember sitting in church one Sunday and looking around and realizing that everyone was just repeating. No one was thinking about what they were saying. Even at a young age, this bothered me. But I too was called to a passionate relationship with God. (I always tell people, it's a relationship, not a religion. Religion is man trying to find God. Christianity is God reaching out to man by sending Himself in the person of Jesus.)

Do serve Him with your art! It's the most exciting thing you can do! He gave you the gift. How wonderful it is to give it back to Him!! xo

Carla said...

Soooooo deeply happy for you my little honey :-)

denice@inkstitch said...

Okay, I love it here. I come all the time and I'm pretty quiet about it (sorry) but this post is absolutely awesome, so I had to speak up. Love the passion sister, and I hope your connection with all things beautiful just continues to grow and grow.

Tracie said...

Amen sista.

Natasha said...

I wish I could express what this meant...a Catholic school girl here I get the nuns (woah Nelly could I tell tales LOL) and God and faith and yoga...I'm so deeply excited for you....I feel like angels are all around you and the Universe is whispering..."Let there be magic in this woman's life for she is magic unto herself"

Jane Davenport said...

Miss C! totally thought you were getting married...I was going to ask to be a bridesmaid!
Love and sunshine!

Patricia Selmo said...

I love what you are doing, Connie and this article really stuck with me - I had to come here and post and just let you know that I love your writing and your art and, most of all, YOU!


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