When You Have That Gobbly Gook Feeling Inside You

Found this little diddy on the Yoga Pura Facebook page.
For years I kept feeling like I had something inside me that was "ready to come out".  Ready to be released to the world.  Ready to feel "right"--to be that next brave step that would signify my "authenticity" in my life.

For years I felt this way--and I always thought it had something to do with my work and what I put out in the world.

And so, I would be in jobs that initially I totally loved and then that feeling would creep up again.  Something would start to bubble to the surface and get stuck right about throat height and I would begin to panic.  Instantly the job I had no longer "felt right"--it wasn't me anymore.  The life I was living no longer "felt right".  Sometimes even my body didn't "feel right" as well.  It was always "there was something else" inside me that needed to come out.

Needed...as in desperately.

So I'd fixate myself on this feeling, and let's face it--translate those feelings I had into meaning that everything else was wrong in my life--because if I wasn't fully expressing whatever it was inside me to be expressed (even though I had no clue what that was)...well, than I wasn't living authentically.

I mean, isn't that what all the hype is about anyways?  Really, aren't there like a gazillion blogs about living "authentically"?

But you know what I found out about "living authentically"?

It's all hogwash.  Total, stinky, murky hogwash.

It's impossible NOT to live an authentic life.

C'mon, you are always living an authentic life.  Even if by day you are an accountant (who dreams of being an Iron Chef) and at noon you rob banks and snatch purses from cute little old ladies than in the evening volunteer at the animal shelter--you'd still be living an authentic life.

And better yet--even when you have that lump in your throat and tidal waves churning in your belly because a feeling is telling you that something doesn't "feel right" in your life anymore...you're still rocking out the authenticity in your life.  You are still fully being 100%  beautiful prime rate you.

It's impossible NOT to be.
(Sorry.)

But here's the real bazooka of a thing I just learned..just figured out....

You know that feeling that there is something inside you that just needs to come out but you don't know what it is?

Well, you're not suppose.
Well, not just yet.

Ideas--thoughts--paintings--poems--rocking workshops---novels--amazing guitar licks--knitted pink socks--all that good creative stuff are like babies.  They have a period where they tumble and stir inside us.  They grow limbs, organs, and all the other guts needed to flourish in the world and they do it without any instruction from us at all.  That's just how it works.

There has to be this period of mystery.

But even more than that...a period of deep trust.

Trust that Creative Source has got things covered.  Trust that all you need to do is keep listening to the cues and start nesting.

Yes, nesting.

Even though you have no idea what all the gobbly gook happening inside you is--fixating yourself on it will do no good in the long run.  Instead--send it love, just like a pregnant mother would do to her fetus.  And begin to build a nursery for what is to come in your life--even if you're unsure if it's going to be a "girl" or a "boy" or a "novel" or a "great idea for a new career".

Let the Creative awesomeness inside you do it's thing.  Let it cook like curried lentils.

Maybe even start to get excited for it's arrival.

But don't panic..don't start to use those beautiful feelings of gestation to begin to poke holes in everything else in your life.

It's all part of the process of giving birth to our creativity--and not finding our authentic life--but rather renewing our authentic creative life.

12 comments:

Jessie said...

I here ya, sister. I hear ya and it is all SO true!!!

Tara @ Aquamarine Art said...

I ALWAYS have this feeling! So I guess Something MASSIVE is about to be born ;)

I love coming here, always something interesting to read and think about. x

Tracie said...

I find I feel those feelings when I don't take time to listen to my own internal wisdom/creative source/whatever ya wanna call it. When I take time to breathe, sit quietly, those anxious feelings slowly disappear.....

Alisha said...

Oh Con Con, your posts are so timely for me. You must sit down and think, "what does alisha need to hear today?" (j/k) These thoughts about what I'm going to do, etc. have been agonizing me all day. And yes for years, YEARS! I have been feeling that same way too. ...like if I can just tap into my core well enough I can unlock the secret mystery of this amazing thing that I am to offer the world. ...oh dear. How frustrating.

Leigh said...

Yes, yes yes! Stuck (that limbo time) is incubation! Not paralysis. Not time to panic. Time to dig deep, trust + wait, and let creativity unravel and unfold.

Lis said...

I think for me those feelings - or perhaps my discomfort with them - are all about my not trusting myself or believing in my innate Wholeness. I say that because those feelings provoke a seeking to change my situation, to look outside of myself for answers when, as you point out, it is all within and happening in its own pace.

So maybe the issue isn't about living an authentic life as much as embracing the reality that we are authentic as we are? Okay, my brain is all gobbly-dee-gook! But I am thinking ... when "it" doesn't feel right maybe the issue is I am resisting what is happening within me? When I surrender to my life, those uncomfortable feelings disappear.

You've got my mind turning ...

xo Lis

Lori Marie Cuene said...

Boy the wind and clouds must be flowing between our addresses-because your post capsulizes a huge part of my journey.For the past year one thing led to another, a series of doors and windows opening, people and events put in my path leading me to something unknown (to be determined).But the essence or gist of what's propelling things forward is that "feeling", like your friends void-she was ignoring or had smothered her connection to her music; for me, it is a need, as much as a physical need-to feed the creative spirit. It's almost like a hunger. And another part of the "big picture" is the need to connect with people, to spread positivity,to help people realize we all have choices and create our own realities through the choices we make. I believe in the power of the arts-as a healing force as a source of empowerment, as a tool,giving people a voice. I want to bring all this to others. So began the process of developing a business plan for a nonprofit Arts and Regional Cultural Heritage center. Got a long way to go, but am learning daily, growing and making connections. AND today you hit the nail on the head-Trusting that the Great Creator has me in the palm of His hands-exactly where i am suppose to be.As a recovering person of 10+ years,heard this "soundbyte" long ago, as newbies always want to be further down the road, yet you have to crawl before you can walk. You are HERE because it's where you need to be. And my job today is to hear the messages, learn the lessons of Today, and be open to the possibilities. Thanks again for your words, your gifts and your willingness to share of yourself. Hope today finds you well!

m & g ; g l said...

BRAVO! BRAVO!
Love it, Amen

Sherry said...

I know an awful lot of people whose lives are lies. Guess you're saying they're authentic in their lieing? even when they're lieing to themselves?

Lora Lea said...

Amen, Girlfriend!

Painting Herself Into Being said...

Such a beautiful reminder. Thank you! Yes, I *so* relate to that feeling that something is desperately trying to come through and I desparately want to know what it is *NOW* -- and how I will get there *NOW* -- and sure it will NEVER happen and/or that I was just fooling myself to think there was anything wanting to come trough me. Yes, it is a journey. And I will stay in the curiosity and let it flow.

Amaline Rose said...

I love love love this post, it is completely what I needed to read today. Thank you!