In Total “Total Alignment”

The Goddess reminds us that all that appears in our experience is Her teachings. As yoginis we lean into, and practice to stay awake in the midst of it. And we do lose our skin, and do we find our way back, and all of this is our dance of awakening.

~ Chameli Ardagh

I don’t even know where to start.

I’ve been an absentee blogger for almost two weeks, because my life changed in an instant.  Because what I knew as true–what I knew as “me”–was transformed and revealed in one single breath.  And since then I’ve had to gather my words and coddle my deepest feelings as they softly align with this new truth of a life I never expected.

All of this—from my arms wide open–to my heart bursting at it’s own delicate fabric–is all in the name of total alignment–with my devotion–with my deepest truth–with my lord, my god, my goddess–my Creative Source.  All in total alignment.

Without me ever knowing anything.  I already knew.

Months ago I sat in my dining room and began to tie my shoes.  Nobody was home but my pets and I, and I swore I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet run through my living room and the sound of fainted laughter.  But I dismissed it.  Ignored it.  Claimed it to be a random thought of nothing.

And then I put together Total Alignment--out of my deepest devotion to staying in total alignment with Creative Source and helping others to do the same.  And I painted FEARLESS™–completely giving myself over to my intuitive nature–allowing the paintbrush to communicate with me what it wished.  And what came forth is this…

and this….

And as at I sang with all my heart in front of a crowd of many at the Jai Uttal Kirtan Camp–I secretly prayed that God would use me as she wishes.  That God would grant me the life best suited for my gifts and voice–make me a vessel I prayed.  Make me a veesel.

Then from there I opened my art journal again, because I longed for something more intimate and small. And I painted this….

and this….

And I didn’t know.  But I knew.

I found out last Monday–after a beautiful day in Sedona.  Hansel and I learned that we have a little one who has decided to bless us with their presence in our life.  That I am pregnant.  Prego! I, Connie Hozvicka, who has religiously taken the pill for over 15 years–has been touched by a miracle–a complete surprise–a blessing beyond words.  A little itty bitty of my own.  A FEARLESS™ Painter in incubation.

I’ve always known these seven weeks–even though I didn’t. I am in total alignment with Creative Source–more than I can ever imagine possible.  And for the first time in my life I feel at total surrender.  Totally giving up everything to trust and truth.

Because now I can add “Mama” to this journey–this adventure–that I affectionately call my Creative Juicy Life.

And once again, my life will never be the same–and I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited to step full heartedly into the beautiful unknown!