I Wasn't Prepared For This

Page 5 of the new Art Journal.  Oil pastel on watercolor paper.

Yesterday, I purchased very expensive body lotion made with actual organic rose oil and chamomile.  It smells feminine, soft, and full of promise. Something I would never normally wear, none the less purchase.

Yesterday, it was strangely too hot here in the desert for October.  But I didn't notice.  I didn't care.

Yesterday, I still felt sick and exhausted, but I let go of thinking it was the plague--a burden--a reason to stress over and whine.

Yesterday, as part of my Yoga Teacher Training, I sat and observed one of my all time favorite Yoga Teachers.  I was in complete awe of how, in such a subtle and easeful fashion, she adjusted people--a simple turn of the wrist,  a soft rest of her palm on one's shoulders, a kind word whispered to lift the inner thigh--and the person's whole energy changed--it shifted--it relaxed deeper into the pose.  They merged into the space around them like nature does or when the ocean hits the shore.

Yesterday, for the very first time, I saw my baby inside me.  And like a simple turn of the wrist, my whole entire world melted into the space nestled deep in my anatomy.

I wasn't prepared for this.
The Awe.
The Love.
The incredible feeling that rushes through each cell.

I wasn't prepared that I would suddenly hear birds singing outside
when I used to only hear cars.

I wasn't prepared that the sky would turn bluer.
That the afternoon breeze would suddenly wrap around me like a silk ribbon-
That time, and thoughts, and every idea I've ever had about who I was--or who I was becoming--
would collapse into the earth below and sprout flowers at my feet.

Instantly.
Immediately.
Suddenly.

Yesterday, I became a mother.

31 comments:

Dryalantha said...

Haaa how great Connie!
Congrats! I hope you will have more of these experiences. :-)

Sue said...

Sweet, sweet love. Congratulations, Mama.

Eco Yogini said...

yay!!! congratulations :) those moments will just keep coming!

Indigo Carlton said...

oh that last line, brought instant tears! sweet sweet sweet moment!

Painting Herself Into Being said...

So beautiful! I am thrilled for you adn your little one.

Blessings,
Sheri

Angel said...

this made my heart open up a bit wider today.... so much love to you and your developing little one! <3

Lisa said...

You have me crying again! Soo deeply beautiful. Welcome to the transformative awareness of motherhood.

Stephanie said...

Your post gave me goosebumps. Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's always thrilling to see your baby on ultrasound. Kind of makes it real until your start feeling him/her move inside you. Wait until you feel that! It's the most awesome feeling in the world and one I miss.

Lis said...

Oh dear friend ... just wait ... i know, it is hard to imagine but these waves of love and awareness will keep coming and they will intensify and deepen beyond anything imaginable. Just wait until you gaze into Gummi's eyes and see her falling in love with you (yes, they do that!) John O'Donohue believes those moments of gazing upon our mother's faces when we are new to the world is our first experience/template for the Beautiful.

Welcome to the magical mystery tour!
xo Lis

Wendy said...

Congratulations, Connie. =-)
I have sooo much swirling around inside me right now that i'd like to say, but i don't really know where to begin...
For now i'll just say:
Take care of yourself.
Listen to your body and your heart.
Continue seeking your inner balance, and continue approaching everyone with your Loving Authenticity.

YOU ARE SO SPECIAL.
You make me want to strive to be a better, more balanced, more Authentic person.
Thank you for that.

Your sweetness, your love really shine through in your videos.
I really wanna attend one of your retreats one day!

I love you!
Continue being kind to yourself. You're on a bit of a roller coaster ride, and things will never again be "the same".
=-)

Natasha said...

I did not want to cry in public but you just pushed me over the edge. Tears of joy for you sweet soul are running down my face. I love you and your Mini-me - this is just the beautiful beginning of what will be a lifetime of moments where you remember the power of creation, the bond of love and the grace of development of life. What a wonderful gift you received from someone who always loves you so deeply - your child...yes, you are a Mom. The moment this life began to grow you became a Mom and throughout your life you will continue to become a Mom...growing into this.....growing into love. Oh I wish you so many more moments just like this....warm, loving hugs

Dion Dior said...

Congratulations to you. The greatest gift imaginable. xx

The Girlie-Queue said...

♥♥♥ I'm singing "You are my Sunshine", "Great balls of fire", and "Beautiful Dreamer" all at the same time... and it all makes sense♥ :) You two are going to be the most brilliant parents♥

faerian said...

be prepared to be unprepared for the rest of your life.... ((((Connie)))) that is so beautiful

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Oh, sweet!

Christine Graziano Miner said...

Beautiful and so true! xxxoo

Rabbit Hole Report said...

The art and the words are amazing, Connie. He or she is one blessed soul to call you Mommy.

As an aside, I just spent an afternoon making art with two wonderful friends, and it can all be traced back to you. Thank you!

Terri said...

Tears of joy and love for you, dear Connie.

Peggy K said...

Oh, dear Connie, my heart beats a little stronger as I read your post. Your words inspire, your art inspires, your openness inspires. Thank you.

Tracie said...

and a wonderful and beautiful mother you are....

btw - my word verification needed as I write this post is "heartle".....I "heartle" you!

Boho mom said...

This is wonderful beautiful exciting news!!! Congrats!!!

Asphodel said...

Aaaah, so sweet! Beautifully said, there's no feeling like it in the world, it's a wonderful miracle. Enjoy every second of it!!

Cynthia said...

Sweet and beautiful. I read your post out loud to my husband while we were eating lunch. Could hardly finish as the tears just caught up with me by the last sentence.

Witnessing your journey as a first time Momma is making me connect again to my own children.

Thank you.

Terry Carter said...

What a beautiful way to start my day as I wipe away the tears. We didn't have sonograms in my day. It would have been so overwhelming to see my daughter (now 48 years young). Enjoy every moment. XOXO

LMA said...

"Every idea I've ever had about who I was--or who I was becoming--
would collapse into the earth below and sprout flowers at my feet."

,,, and they grow, and sometimes they need fertilizing or weeding, and sometimes you look down there and a beautiful new blossom has shown up as you watch this new soul "become," and the birds' song grows louder and you sink into the wonder of it all.

I am so happy to witness your journey into motherhood.

monkeycat said...

Oh my, you gave me goosebumps! I can feel your energy in your words. Its quite comforting.
Love you! Show me the US picts! xoxo- Mary

Alisha said...

Love, love, love.

term paper said...

Hey lots of Congrats from my side that you become a mother...It is really the most precious thing in the world...you explain your Yesterday in the most beautiful way I have ever come across really...
So beautiful!!!

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This is my favorite post of yours..I may print it and hang it in my studio.May have to bookmark this one to go back and visit when I'm having one of those days. Thank you so much for sharing :)

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