I Wasn't Prepared For This

Page 5 of the new Art Journal.  Oil pastel on watercolor paper.

Yesterday, I purchased very expensive body lotion made with actual organic rose oil and chamomile.  It smells feminine, soft, and full of promise. Something I would never normally wear, none the less purchase.

Yesterday, it was strangely too hot here in the desert for October.  But I didn't notice.  I didn't care.

Yesterday, I still felt sick and exhausted, but I let go of thinking it was the plague--a burden--a reason to stress over and whine.

Yesterday, as part of my Yoga Teacher Training, I sat and observed one of my all time favorite Yoga Teachers.  I was in complete awe of how, in such a subtle and easeful fashion, she adjusted people--a simple turn of the wrist,  a soft rest of her palm on one's shoulders, a kind word whispered to lift the inner thigh--and the person's whole energy changed--it shifted--it relaxed deeper into the pose.  They merged into the space around them like nature does or when the ocean hits the shore.

Yesterday, for the very first time, I saw my baby inside me.  And like a simple turn of the wrist, my whole entire world melted into the space nestled deep in my anatomy.

I wasn't prepared for this.
The Awe.
The Love.
The incredible feeling that rushes through each cell.

I wasn't prepared that I would suddenly hear birds singing outside
when I used to only hear cars.

I wasn't prepared that the sky would turn bluer.
That the afternoon breeze would suddenly wrap around me like a silk ribbon-
That time, and thoughts, and every idea I've ever had about who I was--or who I was becoming--
would collapse into the earth below and sprout flowers at my feet.

Instantly.
Immediately.
Suddenly.

Yesterday, I became a mother.