My Yoga Teacher Training instructor Eric always says:
when we judge ourselves--we really are breaking our own heart.And lately, I'll be honest, I've been breaking my own heart like a teenage crush.
I'm totally out of alignment with Creative Source.
That's what it comes down to.
Totally OUT of Alignment.
And one thing I've noticed about myself is that right about this time every year,
the same thing happens.
With the new year quickly approaching I get caught up in what I'm doing--what I'm not doing--what I think I should be doing--and the worst part yet: what other people are doing.
The truth is that most of the time I don't bother to read a lot of blogs. I try to spend very little time on Twitter or Facebook jumping from one link to the next. And I especially stay away from looking at what other workshops/e-books/retreats/tele-this-&-that are being offered as well. Because if I do--my own creativity gets stifled. If I try to figure out what's working for other people--I lose energy to do what simply works for me.
But, lately, I've been wandering around too much on Facebook. I've been reading too much slick and strategic marketing--and I wonder am I the only one that sees right through this? Or I look at all the mediocracy that is out there selling like popcorn at the circus and I wonder why?
The truth is--I don't fit in. I don't fit in at all.
I'm not here to teach you how to draw little girls with dowy eyes---
or to help you achieve your BIGGEST dreams of living BIGGER than BIG--
or try to convince you that a new paradigm is here and it's time you do/be/create/live differently then you already do.
I'm not even interested in telling you that I think you're all that---that you're good enough--that you're smart enough--and damn it people like you.
All I really want to do is share what makes me come alive.
To speak from my own experience.
Not as if it's Bible.
Rather as a place for conversation.
And at it's best, maybe inspiration.
But I just want to be me. Sail my business on my own tides. Listen to my own heart. Move in total alignment with my own Creative Source. Believe in the wisdom of my soul--instead of the so-called "experts". And if it means making less money/being less popular--so be it.
I just want to be different. I want to be something other than mediocre--or selling like hot cakes to everyone and their third cousins.
And in my book--that means striving for less than all the big-wigs are out there busting their asses over.
I just realized that I don't want to live some big dream.
I just want to be content.
Happy with how things are--
instead of always thinking that there is something else
or brighter than my own reality.
One day at a time kind of stuff.
And I'm writing this not for you. Not as some manifesto or some clever little post.
I'm writing this for me.
Because it's time I just accept it. Just swallow this pill I keep holding in my hand.
Realize that being different takes courage.
Takes a sense of self that most people run from.
And it takes walking away from what seems comfortable and safe.
I'm writing this to remind myself,
to softly take my own hand--
to scoot my heart back to the altar in my studio
and just sit.
Shut out all the noise that scatters around us this time of year.
Believe that there is nothing else I need.
Know that my success is all I have to gauge from.
Be ok with being different.
And relish in those beautiful souls
that pepper my life-
who know exactly what I'm saying.
I wrote this just as much for you--
as I did for me too.
Even though I talk a mean talk-
I still see
and deeply appreciate
how very connected
we all truly are.
And because of that,
maybe I don't need to change a thing.