For almost a week now I've been terribly sick fighting a nasty cold. The only relief comes in the form of water. Salt baths, the neti pot, hot water with lemon and honey, eucalyptus steams under my pink fluffy towel.
Well, water and sunsets.
Every night I've been making a point to sit in my red chair with my feet perched on the window sill watching the sunset. At first I think of all the other things I want to be doing--or more like "should" be doing--then I bring myself to the amazing colors and I surrender.
It's funny when you finally detach yourself from your mind how amazing the world can be. When I finally give in to being sick. When I finally stop thinking should/would/coulds. When I finally just let myself show up and be. Right here. Right now. Right the way I am.
Everything appears perfect.
When I'm sick I always learn how addicted I am to doing. How obsessed I am with filling every moment of my life with something. Creating, thinking, making, writing, painting, this, that, anything.
When right next to me is a sunset. Right besides me are my three sweet furry children. Right inside me is new life kicking and swirling. Right in my home is a man that loves me more than sunsets or the moon and the universe altogether. Right in my life are friends and inspiration and everything I will always need to survive. To thrive. To simply just show up and be.
So why do I push myself so? Why do I shove so much into this one beautiful existence I possess? Where does this energetic gluttony come from?
When I get sick, it's always a blessing.
It's always the exact medicine I need.
It's always a reminder to let me know that my life is more than what I do. What I create. What I share or launch into the world with gusto.
It's about these little things.
How pumpkin orange bleeds into goldenrod and fades to sweet tangerine across the sky.
How Hansel's voice feels like a feather brushing against my ear.
How the window against the sole of my foot is cool and hard.
How my belly is expanding and stretching.
How nothing is permanent.
Everything is temporary.
And I,
All I have to do is be
Here.
7 comments:
I tend to feel guilty when I let myself "do nothing" because it feels like wasting time. I think a lot of people are like that. When we relax into that time though and let that guilt go, it feels amazing.
This is beautiful, Connie.
Take care of yourself :)
xo
Kristin
Hope you feel better soon, enjoy your sunsets and those special moments.
Big love
AJ
sweet sister, i sit here and smile ear to ear. i've been sick twice now in the past 3 weeks (or once with a pseudo improvement in the middle), and have been reflecting so deeply on these very thoughts myself... the medicine of being sick, the sometimes beautiful, sometimes insane addiction to doing, the only things that really matter in this amazing blink of a life. sending healing thoughts and perfect timing your way... that we may remember to pace ourselves and remain as aware once we feel 'back to ourselves' so that our lights can shine truer. ♥
What an absolutely beautiful post!
Ahhh, yes. Just be. :)
Dear Conny, bless you!! take good care of yourself and the little one.
Your posts have changes my way of thinking and creating art. Thank you.
Love Elisabeth
Connie,
I hope you feel better soon. I also have a husband who loves me exactly like that. Only I have never used your amazing words. I will from now on. And yes I know that I have been blessed with having him in my life. I lived for 12 years in Tucson. The sunsets are beyond belief. I really miss them in Oregon. One of the reasons I want to attend one of your retreats is that I grew up going to Sedona, when it was very small.
We camped at Oak Creek Canyon when it was still pristine and beautiful. My sister and I loved the natural rock slides. For years we camped next to the same couple.
He was a full blood Apache. He had a head of long, long white hair. He took a very unhappy little girl and taght me about Mother Nature and the wonder of the world. He really was my life saver. We kept in touch for years until he died. He gave me a desire to read everything I could get my hands on abut American Indians and their history, culture and healing. LOL and big Hugs.
Cathe
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