|Just a little doodle I did!|
Here's something I've never shared with all of you before. Last year--and even a few months before last year--I started working on major plans to open an actual brick-&-mortar Dirty Footprints Studio here in Arizona. We're talking serious plans where I pulled in the help of a serious business coach, a few business consultants, and even some folks from my bank to help guide me to make this happen. I did market research, looked at various buildings, and I even had a "business plan"--which in my case looks more like a FEARLESS® Painting / map--then it does anything Warren Buffet might see come across his desk.
But anyways, my whole reasoning behind beginning this journey was three things.
1. Even though my heart really wants to make Dirty Footprints Studio's world headquarters in Costa Rica, I felt why not give it a start here where you are already. Sort of a "test run".
2. It seemed like the next step I should "logically" do in building my business.
3. My pride and ego wanted the challenge of making this happen. I'm admitting it.
So, forgive me, I'm going to leave a lot of the details out and skip right to mid-August. It was summer time here and I found the perfect place. It had huge ceilings and very cool cement floors--perfect to get messy on--and it was in the perfect area--and I wanted it. I wanted it bad.
It was a bit out of my budget--but my clever mind came up with endless possibilities to make it happen. I told Hansel, my friends, family, and business consultant team--and everyone was just as excited as I was and supportive up the kazoo.
Then shortly, one day I woke up, ready to take on the world, and started driving to the place to talk to the leasing agent when I felt it. I knew. Like I had heard before years ago when it came time to quit my job--that same strong and confidant voice came to me again and said No, don't do it. Not here. Not now. Not Arizona. This is not your dream.
And every ounce of my body knew this was not what I was suppose to be doing. I grabbed my cell phone, cancelled my appointment, and turned around and went home.
A week later exactly I learned that I was pregnant. And I was beyond relieved that I never went through with the building. I would have been way, way, way over my head--and Dirty Footprints Studio which brings me so much fulfillment and joy to my life already--would have turned into a trap for added stress and hardship with the new circumstances at hand.
The thing is--during my whole planning, researching, and hunt for the perfect place of Dirty Footprints Studio, I was not being directed by my heart. I could tell you countless times that my heart yelled at me to slow down, be quiet, and just listen--but my mind pushed ahead. My mind had a better plan. And my ego, above all, knew what it wanted to quench it's desire to always be the best and to fulfill some crazy BIG dream.
But the truth is, I let go of having a BIG dream anymore. Years ago my BIG dream was to quit my job and finally live a life in alignment with my truth--a life that I was certain I could support myself from as well. And I did that--I am doing that now. But in truth--that's as BIG as it gets. And I'm happy with that.
My real dream is a dream that both Hansel and I share--and have shared for a very long time. And that is to have our own place in Costa Rica. We want to be near the ocean and live off the land and in alignment with Mother Nature--and all I really want is a cute little space to host FEARLESS® Painting retreats and to paint and do yoga in. That's it. And ok, maybe to some that seems larger than life.
But to me it feels simple. Sweet. I envision it without drama or glitter and loads of hoopla.
On top of it all--I don't want to touch the masses. I don't want to save the world or reach a million fans. I just want to be around kindred souls--and I'm honest enough to know that any kindred soul of myself is few and far between. I just want to attract those folks. That's it. Put on my love antennas and gather us together in Costa Rica or until then--online or Sedona.
I want softness. I want light.
When I was planning, researching, and doing all those things to open a Dirty Footprints Studio here it was never soft or light. It was hard, rigid, and driven. It was strategic and highly analytical.
That was the biggest clue that it was all wrong.
All very wrong.
Now, I don't want you to think that I move into anything ever blindly, for that certainly isn't true. I am a Capricorn that appreciates her research and the comfort of knowing that my mind's on board.
But my captain is my heart.
And many times there has been mutiny on this ship of mine--where the heart became lost at sea.
Luckily, I've gotten wiser with age--and now turn the ship around sooner to rescue her, even if it means a longer voyage to my destination.
Even if it means letting go of ever having a BIG dream.