Yesterday Hansel and I toured the birthing center where little Gummi will make his grand entrance in a few months. It was really a bit overwhelming and emotional for me--which I didn't expect. For one thing, hospitals have always been a bit unnerving to me. I can feel the energy there really strongly--and it is uncomfortable. But this place that we have chosen, which is a bit out of the way driving wise--it had a feel that was more natural and grounding to me. Even though it is located in a hospital--it didn't feel like a hospital. The hallways were quiet, secluded, and had such a softness to them from just the energy, feel, and the lighting.
But it was these little things--like seeing the baby bassinet or the quick glimpse of a pediatrician picking up a newborn with a teeny tiny butt--and my eyes would all swell up with tears.
Never in my wildest dreams, in my whole life, would I have ever thought or imagined that I would be here. That I would be wobbling the halls of a birthing center--that bassinets and baby beanies and little overalls would get me all choked up and teary eyed.
And then, later in the evening, Hansel and I had to attend our first of five birthing classes together as well. Another moment I was in awe that I was even here.
There was about ten couples--all different ages snuggled together on little couches ready to become first time parents. It was nice to simply be in a room with other pregnant women.
I'll admit, up until last night, I have been a bit
Of course there were tears again.
But wow. Our birthing teacher is so great--because not only did she explain how all the obvious stuff works during pregnancy and birth--but how their relationship to the other organs in our body play effect in this perfect plan created by Mother Nature to prepare us physically and even emotionally for becoming a mother.
This is what blew me away. This little bit of information, and being a visual learner--I needed to see it to really soak it in.
Part of me feels like I am becoming a mother. And the part of me sees there is nothing to become.
I think of all the things I have given birth to in my life. All the ways I have nurtured others--nurtured myself--nurtured the planet and animals. I think of all the ways mothering is organically part of who we are as women--if we ever partake in giving birth to children or not.
We as women are so incredibly connected to Creative Source--to Mother Nature--to the Universe--that it is scripted right here in our own DNA.
I walked out of that birthing class last night with a new deeper understanding of who I am--and even deeper appreciation for the beautiful, incredible vessel I have been blessed with.
I no am longer surprised to be where I am right now in my life. I no longer see this pregnancy and this little life about to change everything for Hansel and I as some great unknown.
I know now.
Everything in my life has prepared me for this.
Everything has been set in place and delivered perfect as Mother Nature planned.
Like a seed falling next to a river and becoming a tree.
There are no surprises or detours--there is just the natural order of everything.
And with that, I align myself again and again.
I embrace this new journey--I am in love with this beautiful adventure
more and more each day.
I am for the first time in my life--truly grateful.
Truly grateful in the most magnificent way.