How Things Change

Yesterday Hansel and I toured the birthing center where little Gummi will make his grand entrance in a few months.  It was really a bit overwhelming and emotional for me--which I didn't expect.  For one thing, hospitals have always been a bit unnerving to me.  I can feel the energy there really strongly--and it is uncomfortable.  But this place that we have chosen, which is a bit out of the way driving wise--it had a feel that was more natural and grounding to me.  Even though it is located in a hospital--it didn't feel like a hospital.  The hallways were quiet, secluded, and had such a softness to them from just the energy, feel, and the lighting.

But it was these little things--like seeing the baby bassinet or the quick glimpse of a pediatrician picking up a newborn with a teeny tiny butt--and my eyes would all swell up with tears.

Never in my wildest dreams, in my whole life, would I have ever thought or imagined that I would be here.  That I would be wobbling the halls of a birthing center--that bassinets and baby beanies and little overalls would get me all choked up and teary eyed.

And then, later in the evening, Hansel and I had to attend our first of five birthing classes together as well.  Another moment I was in awe that I was even here.

There was about ten couples--all different ages snuggled together on little couches ready to become first time parents.  It was nice to simply be in a room with other pregnant women.

I'll admit, up until last night, I have been a bit nervous terrified about the whole birthing process.  I've read quite a few books on it and talked to many women--but it wasn't until last night when we watched these great videos with computer generated explanations of how the whole mechanics, anatomy, and process of pregnancy and birth work that I was absolutely blown away.

Of course there were tears again.

But wow. Our birthing teacher is so great--because not only did she explain how all the obvious stuff works during pregnancy and birth--but how their relationship to the other organs in our body play effect in this perfect plan created by Mother Nature to prepare us physically and even emotionally for becoming a mother.

This is what blew me away.  This little bit of information, and being a visual learner--I needed to see it to really soak it in.

Part of me feels like I am becoming a mother.  And the part of me sees there is nothing to become.

I think of all the things I have given birth to in my life.  All the ways I have nurtured others--nurtured myself--nurtured the planet and animals.  I think of all the ways mothering is organically part of who we are as women--if we ever partake in giving birth to children or not.

We as women are so incredibly connected to Creative Source--to Mother Nature--to the Universe--that it is scripted right here in our own DNA.

I walked out of that birthing class last night with a new deeper understanding of who I am--and even deeper appreciation for the beautiful, incredible vessel I have been blessed with.

I no am longer surprised to be where I am right now in my life.  I no longer see this pregnancy and this little life about to change everything for Hansel and I as some great unknown.

I know now.

Everything in my life has prepared me for this.
Everything has been set in place and delivered perfect as Mother Nature planned.
Like a seed falling next to a river and becoming a tree.
There are no surprises or detours--there is just the natural order of everything.

And with that, I align myself again and again.
I trust.
I believe.

I embrace this new journey--I am in love with this beautiful adventure
more and more each day.

I am for the first time in my life--truly grateful.
Truly grateful in the most magnificent way.