Eventually, around February, I stopped doing yoga on the mat and my body has paid the price--not to mention throw a difficult labor and hardy postpartum experience into the mix.
But everything is how it's suppose to be. I'm not going to beat myself up over what I didn't do--instead I'm going to embrace and appreciate what I can do right now.
And that is be in my body.
A body that feels foreign to me. A body that's tight and crunchy in some places--and extra fleshy and bulging in other places. Though a body that possesses a new kind of confidence. A new type of strength.
I'm proud of these Mama Curves I have now. Proud and in awe that my body spent the last year creating life. That through my own physicality I brought a beautiful Soul into this world.
And that is what I greeted for my first time back on the mat. A new me. A mother. A strong woman.
It's this strength--this inner divine--that inspires me to move my body now. Not vanity or ego or what numbers appear on any scale. Not fulfilling my teacher training requirements or some kind of image of what a yogini should do or look like.
I move on the mat now in honor of this beautiful gift I have. Thisbody.
This incredible, soft, nurturing, supportive, thriving body.
I move on the mat to pay respect to the great mother herself--Mother Nature. To the sun that touches my skin each day, the earth that rises to kiss the soles of my feet, to the wind that tangles itself around every curve, every crevice, every muscle that I possess.
I move on the mat to pay homage to my family. To the women who have come before me. To the man that supports me and to my son that has opened my heart even wider.
I move on the mat for those that can't. Who have given up, experience hardships or trouble. Who are weary.
I move on the mat as a prayer of gratitude. That I have this body.