Right Here. Right Now.

Today is my birthday, which at Dirty Footprints Studio is the official New Year!  I am a humble 37 years old today. And to be honest--I'm happy to finally be 37--because I spent two years being 36.

No joke.

Partially because I tend to not make a real big deal about my birthday and partially because....honestly... I don't know why--but when I turned 35 years old--I thought I was 36!?!!

That was the year that I became pregnant with Phoenix--and I strutted around telling everyone that I would give birth when I'm 37 and even on all the medical forms I had to fill out that year--I wrote down age 36 when I was really 35.

So this time last year my birthday comes rolling around and my Mom writes "Happy 36!" in her card.

What? 36?  My Mom doesn't remember how old I am?  What's up with that?

That's when I learned that I would once again be 36 and that I skipped 35 altogether.

(Yeah, total bummer.)

I never got the chance to be 35 and let me tell you--those two years of being 36 have been some of the most beautiful and absolutely the most difficult years of my life.  I'm welcoming 37 with arms wide open and an even wider heart--but most of all I'm embracing 37 with a whole new perspective and view on life, family, art, and Dirty Footprints Studio.

You see, in just the last three months alone, I feel like my whole life has been hit by a wrecking ball over and over.  At first I was in total resistance mode--I felt sorry for myself--I refused to really see what was happening--but then at 3:36 AM, mid November, in the corner of an ER room, my eyes finally opened.  I felt like I woke up and there was Hansel in a hospital bed (for the second time that week) and I realized that life as we knew it was not working if it had come to this.

Just like that, a wave of peace I hadn't felt in a very long time, came rushing over me and the air around me started whispering in waves simplify, SIMPLIFY, simplify.

So to sum it up neatly, since then my life has been one BIG bad ass surrender.  Plus, the Universe, with it's complementary wrecking crew has seemed to help a lot with that huge lesson.  I think before my little "awakening" in the ER I would have seen much of the destruction in my life as things falling apart--but now I choose to see it as miracles happening left and right. That basically I'm letting the Universe come in and take charge--and you know, being that the Universe is so big--well there needs to be more space, thus the wrecking ball action!

But the thing that I hear the loudest about turning 37 is that it's calling me to come back into myself in every way possible.

This New Year ahead is going to be a return to my own FEARLESS Painting Practice--my own Art--my own creativity.  It's going to be a raw and rugged journey deeper into my Art--deeper than I have been in the past few years because my focus has been on teaching and the business part of Dirty Footprints Studio.

The thing is that I know this has to happen.  I feel it in my marrow.

But to follow this truth means I have to let go of so much that I've grown comfortable with--that I've come to rely on--that I've come to believe is true about myself, my Art, my business, my life.

On top of that even bigger changes have happen in my family, but I'll save that for another day--another blog post, and no I'm not pregnant.

So as I take my first steps into 37, I move from my heart and I'm excited and scared as hell to see what this journey will unveil.  I'd like to think that I will share it openly here with you--to make a promise to be seen more in an unfiltered, ray of sunshine or sometimes maybe just a soft, comforting moon glow.  But to show up and let Dirty Footprints Studio become a true, real expression of who I am.  Right here. Right now.

I hope you will join me--not in your comments necessarily or even loving emails that I'm so blessed to receive often--but join me in your own journey in connecting with the true essence of who you are.  To move forward into the light--even if it scares the gajeebers out of you--and to put your heart first and forward, and pour it in everything you do.

Here's to radiating together.

Here's to being seen, surrendering, and wrecking crews.

Here's to birthdays, brand new paintbrushes, and honoring our truth.

Here's to a Happy New Year to You!


Kyra said...

Happy Birthday! I'm almost done being 37... I'm not sure it was all that different from being 36, but I hope it is for you! :)

Nikki said...

Happy birthday beautiful girl. Please know that I hold you, Phoenix and Hansel close to my heart.

Ardith Goodwin said...

Happy Born Day and Happy Birthday! Looking forward to this journey as well, within ourselves and connecting to others! Here is to 2013!

Militsa said...

Happy birthday beautiful Connie!!
I love your art, and your attitude to life! I wish happiness to you, your son and husband! Hugs!! Militsa.

Monica Buys said...

Happy Birthday Connie!
Looking forward to seeing your journey. May the year 2013 bring you much peace, serenity, joy and sunshine and may your days be blessed in return with all the wonderful blessings you throw out to the world.

Lisa said...

So tempted to buy the damn plane ticket already so I can just fly out to you and hug you - for this and so much more. May you have an exceptionally blessed birthday and may 2013 bring you every bit of peace that you deserve (no matter how old you are). :)

Kimette Beere said...

Hope you have a BIG BUEATIFUL BIRTHDAY and sending lots of love your way to the whole family.

Daisy Yellow said...

Happy Birthday dear Connie, and if it makes you feel better I often forget how old I am!

Jodi Ohl said...

Happy Birthday Connie! You have such a way of connecting and putting words to how so many of us feel...surrendering isn't easy especially if that wrecking ball keeps swinging us in different directions and repositioning us in unexpected ways. Letting go of the way it is supposed to be and being okay with the way it is opens us up to new directions and journeys that lead us to where we should be. Easier said then done but it sounds like you are on the cusp of the reawakening. Thanks for sharing your honest stories and your heart in every post.
xoxo Jodi

Sheri W said...

Happy Birthday. Thank you for always blazing the way - even when it is scary.

Joy said...

Here is a huge energetic hug full of wonder, magic, joy, gratitude!

I think the wrecking ball might have taken turns between us...and only recently can I see how all of this was so necessary to feel the depth and range of love and gratitude that I do, daily, in life. Moving forward, I affirm that learning is *delightful and fun* (and involves friends, travel, and delicious food *grin*). I've decorated that wrecking ball with butterflies and glitter...

And, I am excited to see what you create and how your journey unfolds in the New Year...

sersk said...

Happy Birthday! My husband shares the day. I'm with you ready for 2013. So ready to continue this amazing journey. Blessings to you and your family. Happy New year!

Lynne said...

Happy Birthday Connie! I know exactly how you feel...I just turned 44 on Christmas eve and I feel like I missed something. 44?? How can that be? Lol!

I'm so inspired by what you're doing and I look so forward to your posts. 2012 wasn't a good year for me and I'm hoping and praying for 2013 to be better for everyone.

One day at a time..or maybe one moment at a time.

Love and blessing to you in 2013. XXOO!


Miss Marple said...

Everytime I read posts from you like this one I am caught by your spirit! I am so glad to have found your blog in 2012 and I am so ready to follow you on your journey in 2013.
Thank you for being here in the www and sharing yourself with us. You inspire me.
Let's rock 2013! - irma

Susan said...

Well Connie!

I tried to skip a few years here and there, but today on the 29th, I turned 50. I woke up today feeling like I started a new chapter and this chapter at the moment is not including the crap of the past. Not that all of my past is crap, but there was a bit. I am looking forward to a year of creativity and loving my family.

Happy Belated Birthday

Lis said...

Belated birthday wishes dear friend!

Ever since Deep my default intention has been surrender. It is amazing what floods in when we let go of resistance and let down our defenses!

Sending you lots of love ... I SEE You and am excited for what magic will flow from you fingers and heart in the new year.

xo Lis

Blooming Soul Arts said...

Happy Birthday my dear!
I am with you on this journey of the wrecking ball. I have decided to no longer fight my intuition and finally leave my classroom...to flow into my next chapter with love and ease...and surrender. I look forward to the end of June...but until then I will let live and love my way thru.
I plan on painting my way thru this...getting in touch with the real me..living my truth.
with much love and gratitude to you..

Cindy Silverstein said...

I'm new to your blog. What an introduction. Surrender is the perfect way to start this New Year. Thank you for sharing from deep down in your Soul.

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